• TRON: Ares
  • Sonic the Hedgehog

    Sonic the Hedgehog

    ★★★

    Best goddamn ad for Olive Garden I have ever seen.

  • Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)

    Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "She really wanted to see Harley with girlfriends, Harley in a girl gang. Harley is such a naturally sociable character. And I think there was just a general longing to see girls together on screen — women being friends.”

    Birds of pray is 1 hour and 45 minutes of pure torture. This is unquestionably the single worst DC movie and is a strong contender for worst movie of all time. Nothing about this movie works on any level. The title…

  • Her Smell

    Her Smell

    It stinks.

  • F9

    F9

    Somehow...Han has returned.

  • Child's Play

    Child's Play

    ★★★

    "This is for Tupac!"

  • Johnny Mnemonic

    Johnny Mnemonic

    ★★★

    "Listen. You listen to me. You see that city over there? THAT'S where I'm supposed to be. Not down here with the dogs, and the garbage, and the fucking last month's newspapers blowing *back* and *forth*. I've had it with them, I've had it with you, I've had it with ALL THIS - I want ROOM SERVICE! I want the club sandwich, I want the cold Mexican beer, I want a $10,000-a-night hooker! I want my shirts laundered... like they do... at the Imperial Hotel... in Tokyo."

  • Drive Angry

    Drive Angry

    ★★★½

    "I never disrobe before a gunfight!"

  • Under the Silver Lake

    Under the Silver Lake

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "Why do we assume that all this information is what we’re told it is? Maybe there are people out there who are more important than us, more powerful, communicating things in the world that are meant for only them and not for us.”

    Imagine being months behind on your rent, skunk's piss on you and squirrels are seemingly falling from the heavens, but you couldn't care less because you’re too busy getting high, watching old movies, fapping to vintage Playboys,…

  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    The force isn't strong with this poster that's for sure. There's a scene in A New Hope where Luke Skywalker and his friends jump down a trash shoot to escape from stormtroopers. And that's exactly where the Star Wars franchise is now—In the fucking garbage and the walls are slowly closing in, squeezing the life out of everyone! J.J. Abrams, Rian Johnson, The Star Wars Story Group and Kathleen Kennedy have gutted Star Wars like a Taunton and turned it…

  • Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    “I said to Rian, ‘Jedis don’t give up.’ I mean, even if Luke had a problem, he would maybe take a year to try and regroup, but if he made a mistake, he would try and right that wrong, so right there, we had a fundamental difference." —Mark Hamill

    The Last Jedi is a Star Wars movie for people who hate Star Wars. This isn't just the worst Star Wars movie, its one of the worst movies I have ever…

  • Bumblebee

    Bumblebee

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    "This is bad comedy"

    Bumblebee starts off in Beastmode but it quickly transforms into a garbage truck because this movie is fucking garbage. The whole film is generic and basic. It doesn't have the touch or the power, it's a loser. Bumblebee is 85 minutes of Haley Stanfield brooding and being a complete bitch to everyone in her life. Of course she gets bullied and discovers her first romance in a story that everyone's seen a million times before. There's…