When the auteur behind Police Academy has run out of ideas, it is a sad day for cinema.
Hear me out.
I fell asleep trying to watch the Death Note anime. 3 times. I tried to see what the hell every anime enthusiast on Earth was ejaculating over, and I could not stop myself from falling asleep.
Which sucks, because the hook itself is amazing, and something anyone who pays attention to the news has thought about. You get a book that gives you power over who dies and how- you know that guy who ran that secret…
I was there. I was a huge Godzilla fan before this got announced, and I was extremely on board to get a big budget American Godzilla film. I watched the cartoon, I bought the merch, I saw it in theaters. The studio hyped this thing to the moon and back and did a spectacular job nearly on par with 1989's Batman. Then it came out. Audiences thought it was OK, and it made a modest profit (nearly 400…
Like everyone who's around a certain age, I love and adore the works of John Carpenter. The nice thing about his films is that they'll metastasize in your brain, growing like a tumor, subsuming memories or piano lessons or whatever other unimportant shit you store up there. And you'll go a long while without watching those movies, but like China itself these films live within you. Then, something magical will happen- casual conversation with a friend will reveal that they've…