• The Mummy

    The Mummy

    I've seen 3 movies named The Mummy and this is by far the worst.

    The mummy itself looks like crap, and doesn't even resemble a mummy, but a bog monster, until like the third time it appears.

    That's not how mummification works, that isn't how any of this works!

    Would it have killed them to hire more Egyptian actors? Or at least some black or middle eastern actors? Pretty sure most of the Egytian characters (aside from the "Nubian" guys…

  • Battle of the Damned

    Battle of the Damned

    Dolph doesn't look too bad for an old man. Not true daddy material, but not bad.

    Kinda shitty that none of the Asian characters made it out alive. One dies in like the first 5 minutes and the last surviving one dies doing something so stupid (sacrificing herself for one of the other leads,despite not really needing to do so at all)

    Felt like the whistleblower thing both came out of nowhere and... Ultimately meant nothing to the story? It…

  • Day of the Dead 2: Contagium

    Day of the Dead 2: Contagium

    ★★

    Now that I saw more than just the last five minutes of the movie it makes a lot more sense. Before I thought he was just wiping out by Unaliving himself, but I realize now that it was the psychic link they all shared, including injuries, that meant he was trying to take them all out at once by doing that. Didn't affect the other zombies though so not sure how effective it really was.

  • The Hotel New Hampshire

    The Hotel New Hampshire

    ★★

    Rob Lowe looking like the Ur-Twink in this movie.

    I wasn't paying a ton of attention so it seeme dliek things just... Kept happening at random? ONe minute the dad says he got a letter from Freud and he's selling the hotel, the next he says they can't sell the hotel because he's too poor??? I came in on the scene where the brother saves his sister from getting raped by getting a group of black guys to come save…

  • Mad Love

    Mad Love

    ★★½

    Egghead over here was fucking creepy as shit. I mean he has the look and voice of a serial killer in a horror movie so it made sense he was the villain all along. A very early version of the whole "but I'm a good guy why don't you like me???" bullshit.

    I was having trouble believing the hands thing but sure, whatever, but when they were like, actually he cut off that dude's hands, but he also reattached his head after he was beheaded... Bruh?

  • The Howling

    The Howling

    ★★★

    Missed the first half, but what I saw wasn't too bad. Seemed to be an interesting premise at least, even if I couldn't tell the main girl and the secondary one apart.

    I really loved the half shift of the werewolves, I wish they'd have kept that for the entire movie instead of turning into that giant, almost Donnie Darko burned out rabbit looking werewolf that was their full form. Still, the effects were pretty good for an 80s movie,…

  • The Public

    The Public

    Feel like this movie was trying desperately to make a point, but much like it's protagonist could never quite get over itself enough to do so. It ended with me not knowing what, if anything, had really happened or been made better.

    Did enjoy a ton of dudes being naked at the end though, half a star for that.

  • Death at a Funeral

    Death at a Funeral

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    James Marsden turns in a tour de force as the naked, drugged out boyfriend.

    Literally 80% of the characters in this movie are awful people, but most family drama movies like this are so that's not saying much.

    Still the fact they were just gonna murder that gay guy and cover it up because he tried to blackmail them, or the fact the one brother is trying to hook up with a girl that just turned 18 the month before, like, gross gross gross.

  • Once Bitten

    Once Bitten

    ★★★

    The climax of this film (pun intended) being them fucking in a casket to get rid of his virginity which is what the vampire mistress wanted is INSANE.

    I have to admit that the trio dance/fight scene was actually really well done. I didn't know Jim Carrey was a good dancer. And the back and forth and the way it fit with the music was wonderful.

  • Dating Amber

    Dating Amber

    ★★★★½

    Another amazing entry in the FOSGCU (Fionn O'Shea Gay Cinematic Universe)

    There are moments in this film that are absolutely heartbreaking (Eddie calling Amber a slur, Eddie finally getting to kiss a boy only to be spotted by someone he knows and freak out, Amber walking into school while everyone gossips about her), but there are also moments that are truly transcendent (the first moments of them spotting and going into the gay club, including Eddie being mesmerized by his…

  • Nicholas Nickleby

    Nicholas Nickleby

    ★★★½

    Was so shocked this was CHarlie Hunnam, I kept thinking it was Heath Ledger for some reason.

    Smike deserved better than being a "Gotcha" moment to the punk ass bitch of an uncle.

    Enjoyed seeing a bunch of random British celebs showing up as offbeat characters, most for just a few scenes.

    Never wanted to smack some old ass men to death as I did here with the school guy, the uncle and the creepy dude hitting on Nick's sister.

  • Dracula

    Dracula

    ★★★

    Better than the book, I guess. Still incredibly subpar in terms of vampire media. Did enjoy the Svengoolie aside that the scene of Dracula about to feed on/turn Renfield was considered too gay and caused them to get a "Dracula can only turn women" rider or some shit like that.

    MIna's eyes are so intense.

    Bela Lugosi had the perfect face for this character, creepy, but kinda hot in a weird old man way that's just so RIGHT for a vampire.