Eric has written 15 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • The Phantom of the Opera

    The Phantom of the Opera

    ★½

    The mask half of his face looks like Elon Musk. Truly a fate worse than death.

    Minnie Driver incredible.

  • Space Jam: A New Legacy

    Space Jam: A New Legacy

    ★½

    CG buff Don Cheadle will haunt me forever.

  • Tenet

    Tenet

    ★½

    Christopher Nolan is truly the master of taking fantastical, exciting ideas, and using them to create the most boring things I’ve ever seen.
    And over-complicating everything. And shitty, anime-level cheesy dialogue.

    The whole movie is just people explaining concepts and it still doesn’t make any goddamn sense.

  • The Polar Express

    The Polar Express

    ★½

    It’s not that the characters faces are ugly,(though they are) it’s just that they don’t express any emotion.

  • There Are Monsters

    There Are Monsters

    ★½

    If you’re making a found footage movie, and you decide to put a shit-ton of camera glitches, or really, any camera glitches in your found footage movie, you need to stop making a found footage movie.

    Really creepy concept, has one of the best jumpscares I’ve ever seen, it’s just absolutely ruined by the worst parts of the found footage format. And stock sound effects. And also terrible dialogue, but that’s mostly just in one hilariously bad scene near the beginning.

    Watch the short, it’s got pretty much the same jumpscare.

  • Don't Think Twice

    Don't Think Twice

    ★½

    If you want to watch a group of friends and improv comedians be absolutely terrible to each other and also be terrible at their job, this is the movie for you.


    Connor Rattliff’s one line was the only funny part.

  • Portals

    Portals

    ★½

    Really boring.

  • Halloween

    Halloween

    ★½

    Really? This is the classic horror movie that everyone loves? This boring movie with all the terrible shit everybody hates about modern horror movies?

    😬

  • The Adventures of Ronald McDonald: McTreasure Island

    The Adventures of Ronald McDonald: McTreasure Island

    ★½

    I don’t understand why I just watched this. What, like I really care about McDonald’s canon? I have a bad brain.

    Why is the Hamburglar their friend?

  • Kill Your Friends

    Kill Your Friends

    ★½

    they forgot to put a movie at the beginning of this movie
    and they started one at the end

  • Irreversible

    Irreversible

    I've suddenly realized that the entire point of this movie is just so Gaspar Noe has something to jerk off to. Apparently he is actually in the film, masturbating.

  • My Little Eye

    My Little Eye

    ★½

    Bradley Cooper out of NOWHERE.