• Tenet

    Tenet

    ★½

    Christopher Nolan is truly the master of taking fantastical, exciting ideas, and using them to create the most boring things I’ve ever seen.
    And over-complicating everything. And shitty, anime-level cheesy dialogue.

    The whole movie is just people explaining concepts and it still doesn’t make any goddamn sense.

  • Love, Death & Robots: Automated Customer Service

    Love, Death & Robots: Automated Customer Service

    ★★★

    This was fun, but why did all the humans have to look horrifically disgusting?

  • Stowaway

    Stowaway

    ★★★½

    S’good. Good movie. But I still think the same thing I thought when I saw the trailer. It would be better without the conflict. Like a Magic Mike XXL. Just 4 colleagues/friends doing their job in space and having a nice time talking about their lives and nobody has to die and I don’t have to feel stressed out at all.

    I feel like we’ve seen every variation of this kind of movie by now except for the space hangout. Maybe the next big space movie after this one can give that to me.

  • Dragged Across Concrete

    Dragged Across Concrete

    The right is starting to get better at filmmaking and it's making lefties nervous.

  • Mortal Kombat

    Mortal Kombat

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I loved when Sub-Zero said “I am Bi-Han no longer. From this day forth I shall be known as Sub-Zero!” And then later when Scorpion shows up again he’s all like “Hanzo who? I’m Scorpion now.” 

    This is a very stupid movie. But they said the names and they did the moves and they said the lines and they played the song and I totally marked out.

    Also why was Kano the best part of a Mortal Kombat movie? That’s insane. I love him.
    Bring him back for the sequel. Nobody dies forever in the games.

  • Hellbound: Hellraiser II

    Hellbound: Hellraiser II

    ★★½

    Too long, too boring.

  • Pluto's Sweater

    Pluto's Sweater

    ★★★

    It’s never occured to me just how ugly a dog Pluto is.

  • Whiplash

    Whiplash

    ★★★★★

    Okay, yeah this is a perfect movie.

  • Fantasy Island

    Fantasy Island

    ★★★

    This is a really stupid movie, and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t make any sense, but it was fun, whatever, who cares lol.

    OH MY GOD WHAT AN INCREDIBLE ENDING AHAHAHAHAHA

  • Marvel Rising: Secret Warriors

    Marvel Rising: Secret Warriors

    ★★½

    Perfectly fine and cute.

  • Mikey

    Mikey

    ★★★½

    Mikey would never hurt anybody. This movie is slander against Mikey. Look at that innocent face. How could he possibly kill anyone?

  • Come and See

    Come and See

    Wow, they fucked up a lot of animals for this movie, huh?

    Must be a "Great Film" or whatever.