The Northman

The Northman ★★★★½

Dudes being dudes in wolf costumes. 

I’m so fucking curious what trippy shit exists in the 30 minutes the studio made Eggers cut. Honestly I thought I was gonna get some heavy Vinland Saga vibes but I couldn’t have been more wrong - Amleth couldn’t have been further from Thorfinn. 

Amleth’s beowulf arc was my favorite but the Night Blade feasting was a close second. Shrooms are a fickle thing, as noted by the self throat stab variety Olga secured. This movie leaves you feeling jazzed and there’s a palpable buzz in the air as you’ll hear you’re theatre collectively asking, “what the actual fuck, that was awesome” I’m only lifting traps from now on. 

ALWAYS STAY ON THE ANYA TAYLOR JOY BOAT.

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