• Solaris



    I wasn't prepared for how urgent this would be, arresting - it grips you. I was enthralled. It takes you by the shoulders and stares you in the eye and then shakes you around and screams "love is the most important thing!" I tried watching this years ago, for a film class, and didn't make it through. I was a dumbass then. And now, but I'm a smarter dumbass. I loved this. It's absolutely heartbreaking. Beautiful movie. One might say…

  • Alligator



    A alligator got flushed down the toilet as a baby. He became the Alligator.

    It turns out that straight up ripping off the Jaws formula works: steadfast character actor struggles against an animal impossibility, a giant freak inhabiting a space it shouldn't. That structure gets a lot of mileage!  Cops Seek Sewer Psycho. Alligator is silly and stupid and nowhere near as good as Jaws, of course it isn't. That would be an insane thing to say. But it's a fun CF (creature feature) none the less. Alligators in the sewers. Look out for the alligator interior crocodile alligator I drive a Chevrolet movie theatre

  • How to Blow Up a Pipeline

    How to Blow Up a Pipeline


    . DAM I was happily surprised by this film and how fuckin straight it shoots. I believed every one of these characters. They are people I see every day. They could be people I see every day. They could be me. They should be me. It's easy to look at this movie as bleak but it isn't. It succeeds where other political films don't: it's about real people and their personal struggles. It transcends ideology. It's not made up of…

  • Michael Clayton

    Michael Clayton


    How do you live with yourself? Michael Clayton is about a fixer, a beleaguered yet talented legal mind running around taking care of shitty folks, a high powered baby sitter, until one day his cool-headedness collides with a fiery conscience. But more than all of that, the film is about the titans of industry who play with lives, who tell everyone everything is OK even as they know the exact number of folks who will certainly die because of their…

  • Beneath the Planet of the Apes

    Beneath the Planet of the Apes


    What Lies Beneath the Planet of Thr Apes?? Skinless telepathic humans? A doomsday bomb? The New York City subway!?? Damn these movies cook. I've spent years thinking this one was terrible, and while certain it isn't as good as the first it's still pretty good for what seems to be mostly a rehash. It's a rehash all right but it's good rehash. We revisit the world of the apes and learn some more lore. It's heavy handed at times but…

  • Gosford Park

    Gosford Park


    Everyone always hears about Altman's insane seventies run, and it is majestic, but then you check out his other stuff and realize that maybe he wasn't always a genius but he was absolutely always cooking with gas. With Gosford Park, he was cooking low and slow with jet fuel. A delightfully cutting picture! All these British fuckers casually saying the most devastating shit to each other but slowly it's revealed that there is a violent patriarch about. A murder occurs,…

  • Madame Web

    Madame Web


    Ma'am Web did not disappoint! Somehow, on top of the outrageous stupidity of this, there are some true blue fist pumping moments, silly superhero stuff which will please the right crowd. I think bullshit like this is exactly what superhero movies should try to be. It's a shame that the ADR is truly terrible, and the opening of this is the worst ten minutes I've ever experienced in a movie theatre, because a good portion of this is actually not…

  • John Carter

    John Carter


    John Carter From Mars, as the finale title card says - and that's what the film should have been called. It also needed two more script rewrites and tighter pacing, boy howdy are there some whiplash moments in this because the script just isn't very good. Cool story, and the idea of a Confederate soldier being whisked away to Mars is insanely good. Such a great setup that it's a damn shame Andrew Stanton whiffed it like this. There's just…

  • Freeway



    Sondheim portrayed the Wolf as a sexual predator first, but Freeway does it second! Maybe there were more portrayals of that sort of thing between Into the Woods and this, but I don't know about them. Fucking awesome retelling of Red Riding Hood.... went well in some directions I wasn't expecting and threw us for a fucking loop more than once. Kiefer Sutherland is a great Wolf, Reese might be the best red riding hood there ever was. It's funny…

  • Pecos Pest

    Pecos Pest


    A little old grey mustachioed mouse constantly stuttering over the word "crambone" just happens to be unbelievably funny

  • Perfect Sense

    Perfect Sense


    Damn I shoulda fucking watched this at the beginning of COVID, four god damn years ago. There are a good amount of elements here that probably meant something different back in 2011, but the pandemic has changed forever. The wearing of masks is a major one, of course, but the scene of the restaurant shutting down goes so crazy. Took me right back to the confusion of early 2020 when bars were totally shut down, before cocktails to go were…

  • Shock Waves

    Shock Waves


    "Sea spits up what it can't keep down"

    Sea spitting up some gad damn Nazis, that's what! This a terrific oceanic yarn, a B movie with zombie Nazis from the deep and wouldn't you know it - Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest absolutely rips this movie right off. There are a couple of key shots that Gore Verbinski replicates, he has to have seen this movie. I was half expecting Davey Jones himself! 

    Shock Waves actually has a…