• Retribution

    Retribution

    world's most boring saw trap

  • Insidious: The Red Door

    Insidious: The Red Door

    💤

  • Taken 3

    Taken 3

    ★★

    liam neeson drives a car down an elevator and it explodes half the building and he survives. it's the second car explosion he survives in the movie, third if you count the ending where he drives his car into an airplane to explode the airplane. nobody gets taken in this one??? i need five more. terrible film

  • The Nun II

    The Nun II

    ★★

    these have to be some of the most poorly lit movies on the planet... i can't see SHIT 😭 evil nun is still cool though :) idc

  • The Nun

    The Nun

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    this isn't great or anything but the whole movie's set in a romanian castle full of bloodborne NPCs and the lead defeats the nun by spitting the blood of christ in its face and that's pretty sick sorry

  • The Last Voyage of the Demeter

    The Last Voyage of the Demeter

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    i respect that there's a guy out there who loved the boat chapter of dracula so much they had to make a whole movie about it. i also respect that they not only kill the kid in this movie they also have him turn into a ghoul, burst into flames, and get thrown (still in flames) into the sea. like they really committed to killing off the kid here. they made up a child character that wasn't in the book…

  • Horror in the High Desert 2: Minerva

    Horror in the High Desert 2: Minerva

    ★★

    i was falling asleep 😭 there's some good shots in this but i guess idk... i'm sorry. i do hope this series has like 10 more movies though idc

  • Horror in the High Desert

    Horror in the High Desert

    ★★

    perfect sick day movie. like i tuned into the middle of some boring episodic docuseries on A&E while channel surfing and it was either this or like, wife swap.

    i liked the youtube channel guy character. i don't think i've seen that kind of youtube guy depicted in a movie before? it's always annoying "influencer" types who "got what they had coming to them" like deadstream or dashcam. i can't stop laughing tho because why would his viewers not believe he saw a cabin LMAO

  • Hi, Mom!

    Hi, Mom!

    ★★★★★

    "music to write checks to"

    this has some of the most insane tonal whiplash i've ever experienced in a movie. shocked it came out in 1970 but also there is no other year it could have possibly come out

    i watched this because of a review that said robert de niro punches a pizza and he does do that

  • The Dark Knight Rises

    The Dark Knight Rises

    ★★

    i used to read a lot of batman comics as a kid so there was a lot i was willing to forgive about these movies when they came out. after concluding my rewatch, i think i have to finally say that they kind of suck ass. i'm a big fan of the ending of this one though which is just that one scene from the original adam west film where batman's frantically running around a pier trying to dispose of a big cartoon bomb.

  • The Dark Knight

    The Dark Knight

    ★★★

    revisiting these movies i think they are pretty bad. heath ledger is good but one of the main reasons he's good is that his scenes are the only ones where nolan allows anything in the film to breathe, and even then just barely. christian bale is terrible in these and it's so sad watching them waste gary oldman on the flattest rendition of gordon you could possibly muster

    i would watch an entire movie that's just eric roberts as sal maroni

  • Dark City

    Dark City

    ★★★★

    the most a movie's ever felt like an xbox 360 game