• Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

    Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

    ★★★★★

    my roommate walked by and asked if this was fire walk with me

  • Eaten Alive

    Eaten Alive

    ★★★★★

    more movies should be so drenched in red light that it’s like you’re viewing them through a mask of your own blood

    hooptober 1/31

  • Evangelion: 3.0 You Can (Not) Redo

    Evangelion: 3.0 You Can (Not) Redo

    ★★★★★

    how do i hire kaworu nagisa as my therapist

  • Phish: Bittersweet Motel

    Phish: Bittersweet Motel

    ★★★½

    one thing i’ll say for todd phillips is he is gifted at shooting concert footage. why? he managed to make phish look cool

  • Zola

    Zola

    like being on the internet for 80 minutes. not for me

  • House on Haunted Hill

    House on Haunted Hill

    ★★★★★

    this is the best fucking movie i’ve ever seen

  • F9

    F9

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    a lot of tedious nonsense when action sequences aren’t happening but they used a big magnet to throw cars at each other and they drove a car into space. four stars

  • Sledgehammer

    Sledgehammer

    there’s something about watching shot-on-video horror that makes you feel like you’ve partially regressed, like you’ve sunken to a level that few people ever have or will, a level where the unheard frequencies scream, and getting there is embarrassing and liberating and legitimately entrancing like you’ve happened upon something that was committed to an old rotted vhs tape infused with a demonic glow, and this is why it’s capable of giving me a genuine transgressive thrill in 2021 year of…

  • Leviathan

    Leviathan

    ★★★★★

    was woken up by the compression again this morning. shot straight out of a dream of what i think was my skull caving in. we've been working in this underwater mining station for months but i haven't been able to adjust to the various groans and shudders and sounds of metal inverting overhead. makes it feel like this place is only a few frail veins of spiderweb held together by chewing gum. what's even worse than the noise is the…

  • Desert Hearts

    Desert Hearts

    ★★★★★

    she just reached in and put a string of lights around my heart

    it's set in northern nevada in the '50s, which is where and when my mom was born, and it's about lesbians falling in love on a ranch and in other liminal spaces of the desert, mountains and sand looking volcanic in the psychedelic sunsets, casino interiors entombed in a queasy veil of cigarette smoke and country western music, one woman defiantly out and determined to establish a…

  • Hard Target

    Hard Target

    ★★★★★

    jean-claude van damme shoots a guy like five times with an upside down gun, roundhouse kicks the cigar out of his mouth, and then, kneeling next to the prone and smoking body of this bullet-riddled and face-dented dude, apologizes for ruining the guy’s shirt, which looks like a pollock print and a rauschenberg print fed on each other. five stars

  • Subspecies

    Subspecies

    ★★★★★

    it was only after the thirtieth shot of the principal characters wearing the coziest-looking sweaters i’ve ever seen that i realized the movie itself is a sweater, a fog that wraps around you