• The Land Before Time VII: The Stone of Cold Fire

    The Land Before Time VII: The Stone of Cold Fire

    ★½

    At this point I don’t know if it’s better or worse than the third entry in the franchise. It’s certainly a lot dumber and a lot more incompetent. The plot is flimsy, most of these antagonists are uninteresting, there’s still a lot of bickering among the adults which I hate. And for a film about aliens, which was Don Bluth’s intention I’m sure, it sure doesn’t deviate from the Land Before Time playbook too much, which is interesting. On the…

  • The Land Before Time VI: The Secret of Saurus Rock

    The Land Before Time VI: The Secret of Saurus Rock

    ★★½

    Lowered my score for part four in celebration of The Secret of Saurus Rock. Not that it’s particularly good or anything, these movies are only ever going to be so strong and Cera’s cousins are…not as annoying as Cera but still pretty grating. I can also admit that most of my enjoyment of this film comes from it being about a cowboy dinosaur, and how much enthusiasm each character puts into the phrase “lone dinosaur” every time they say it.…

  • The Land Before Time V: The Mysterious Island

    The Land Before Time V: The Mysterious Island

    ★★★

    For a good long while, I was able to appreciate how multi-concept it was. Of course, I mentioned this as a negative for the previous film, but in this case, I thought the ideas present in The Mysterious Island were well woven and had a screenplay that felt like a coherent piece of writing for the first time in the franchise in a bit. The stakes were clear, the scenes weren’t too short or drawn out, the character writing made…

  • The Land Before Time IV: Journey Through the Mists

    The Land Before Time IV: Journey Through the Mists

    ★★

    There are several conflicts and plots going up against one another, all of which are moderately interesting in theory, but they’re not…woven together in a particularly smart way? I like a lot of what’s going on in this film, I like the idea of Littlefoot and crew entering dangerous lands to save his grandfather, even though I don’t know if I would call it any more dangerous than the Great Valley itself, and the possibility of the second longneck joining…

  • Waves

    Waves

    ★★★½

    I don’t know how popular of an opinion this is, but Trey Edward Schults is quite possibly one of the most exciting up and coming filmmakers of our day. This first occurred to me when he made It Comes at Night, a horror movie just as terrifying and understated as The Blair Witch Project, and with Waves, he now shows how much range he’s got. This is just a super well directed coming of age film. The acting is superb,…

  • Phantom of the Paradise

    Phantom of the Paradise

    ★★½

    The score I end up giving Phantom of the Paradise entirely rests on if I can appreciate Brian De Palma’s wackadoo filmmaking style just once. I don’t like many of this man’s films, and I can certainly point to this one as a film with a lot holding it back. Honestly, though, the style isn’t the issue. Getting to deal with a bizarro version of The Phantom of the Opera is pretty fun, and however hard it is to stomach,…

  • F9

    F9

    ★★

    They really need to throw in the towel at this point. I still struggle with calling this awful, I think the only truly awful entry in the franchise is 2 Fast 2 Furious, but if you reach the point that adding in a real ass space quest doesn’t make your art any more exciting, you’re probably done. Some of these stunts are okay, and I appreciate that they’re still making these about familial ties and love. It’s a better connecting…

  • Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip

    Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip

    No surprise here, other than that someone remembers this movie and cares enough to watch it in the year 2022. All of these movies are so monotonous that there’s not a whole lot of reason to review one instead of another. The chipmunks are annoying, very little of the emotional through line works, even less of the humor works, the plot is nonsensical, the stakes are non-existent. I don’t know if kids like this, and worse films of its kind exist, I’m sure of it, but this still isn’t worth it overall.

    Fucked Up Shit Ville Score: 1/10

  • Great White

    Great White

    ★★

    Pretty middle of the road shark horror movie, not dumb enough to be terrible and also not dumb enough to be so bad it’s good. Standard nature slasher with mildly interesting characters. The film looks pretty good too, though not incredible, which I wasn’t expecting. Honestly I didn’t even have that many expectations, and I only put it on because I wanted something short and because Letterboxd tells me that this is a 47 Meters Down film. I don’t know…

  • Song to Song

    Song to Song

    ★★★★

    The closest Terrence Malick has come to matching his own The Tree of Life. They’re honestly fairly similar, very theme and character driven works that actually don’t bother me that much in terms of “pretentiousness” or “lack of content” or whatever I’ve complained about with some of his other films. This stacked cast does a lot of good for the film, the camerawork is pretty understated considering his modern pieces, I always enjoy movies using music as a connecting thread…

  • Voyage of Time: Life's Journey

    Voyage of Time: Life's Journey

    ★★★★

    Terrence Malick being chosen to make a beautifully shot documentary isn’t a surprise, but it being one of his best films sort of is. But I guess so long as my issues with a lot of his films are great style with weak story, cutting out the story in a medium that allows you to do that makes perfect sense. A really pleasant viewing experience just for the novelty, probably won’t revisit it for any other reason, but is nice for that.

    Fucked Up Shit Ville Score: 1/10

  • Knight of Cups

    Knight of Cups

    I feel like all of Terrence Malick’s films are pretty divisive, but as much as I’ve been neutral on a lot of his films, I’ve never outwardly hated any of his work until now. But wow, Knight of Cups, you go girl. Give me absolutely nothing. I’ve always thought Malick made incredibly well shot films, but I’ve never thought he was ever overcompensating for something. But with Knight of Cups, it feels abundantly clear that Terrence Malick planned out a…