The Room

The Room ½

Tommy Wiseau as Johnny a romantic at heart with a heartless fiancé who's shagging his best friend in the quintessential so bad it's bad film. Golden Gate Bridge. Swashbuckling music. The way Tommy says "Hi babe." Curious Denny. Pillow fight. Slow dancing. Rose petals and boobs. The way Tommy wiggles his ass while he is having simulated sex. Mommy dearest. Lisa's pouty face. Of course the "other man" has a badass beard. Mark's teeth. Is it hot in here? More ladies need to use that line. Trust me it will work. Oh hell yes! This seduction scene music sounds like a cross between Sade and TLC. Sexy florist. How long is free months? Lisa kinda looks like a Ninja Turtle with Tommy's tie around her head. Eskimo kiss. The next time you fuck make sure you bring a thorny rose into bed with you. Tommy's moan. Lisa's reaction to her mother's cancer diagnosis. If you want to get laid tonight, buy your lover some chocolate. Some kids don't have parents? Is Chris R. related to my Letterboxd amigo Bob R.? Oh my! This rooftop scene is Oscar worthy. The way Tommy touches Denny's hair. Tommy's laugh. The way Tommy says "Huh." The Case of the Missing Underwear. Who the fuck are you talking to Tommy Wiseau? The infinite cassette tape. A check your ass can't cash. Strong ganja. Holy fuck! All the heavy dramatic acting occurs on the magic rooftop. Football toss. Clumsy Peter. Real motherfuckers don't order hot coco. Mark never should've shaved his beard, he lost all of his badassery. Now this fuck scene music sounds like bootleg Jodeci. Lisa always wants to fuck. XYZ? Birthday surprise. Share some cake now, fuck later. Low-rent Dr. Phil. Pretend baby mama drama? Bro's before ho's motherfucker. Childish behavior. Chickens say cheap cheap? The way Tommy says "Bitch." The awful truth. Fuck you portable cassette player! Tommy's temper tantrum. The gun. The kiss on the temple. Wake up Johnny and let's get the fuck outta this ROOM. Holy fuck! Tommy Wiseau is insane. The Room must be watched to truly appreciate awful cinema. The sex is terribly hilarious. Tommy should've watched some Cinemax for some tips. The dialogue is the motherfucker. I still don't know how long free months is. Worthy of cult statues. Super-worthy of my half-star rating. Enter if you dare motherfuckers!

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