Slaughter High

Slaughter High ★½

A practical joke goes horribly wrong and ten years later the jokesters reunite for their class reunion and things don't go so well for them in this slasher disaster of a film. Shower graffiti. Sex toys. I thought the only Sex Machine was Tom Savini in From Dusk Till Dawn? Marty's dong. Swirly. Joker's cousin. Coach knows best. The outfits worn in 80's gym class. Mötley Crüe without Tommy, Vince, Nikki, and Mick. Algebra? Strong ganja. Do you know anyone who looks cool with a sweater tied around their neck? Nitric acid can be dangerous if used without proper supervision. Maniac Carol. I wish Slimeball Manny was my agent. Shower tease. Barry Manilow? Skip looks like Christopher from the Sopranos. I wonder who's peekin in the window? I'm sure it's not Hoop-Tober. I think Frank is a member of Samcro. Jason's hockey mask borrowed from Shelly. Can at least one of these characters be a tad bit likable? I hope all these motherfuckers get killed. Mummy walk? Giant calculator. Locker rat. Cocaine snort. The boogeyman? Crucifixion. Funnel drop. Ted's bootleg Alien moment. Rub a tit. Unreliable car. Bathtub of Death. I bet Susan wished there was social media back in the day. She could've read Skip's "we are fucked" tweet and stayed the hell away from the reunion. Stella likes to fuck. Maury Povich baby daddy moment. Limp wang. Dirty mouth. Fuck of Destruction. Frank, Joe, Carl, and Ted, with names like this no wonder I get these fuckers confused. Freddy homage? When did April Fools end at noon? Is noon the new midnight? Swingin' Skip. Yearbook of You're Next. Quicksand mud shit? What the fuck is this goo? The Joker Jester mask is kinda fuckin' creepy. I think my favorite character is the mask. Bloody toilets? This ain't Coppola's The Conversation. Friendly fire. Worst javelin thrower ever. Stab a bitch. Holy George Romero! Fuck you twist I'm not going to talk about in this review! The kills are funny and awesome as fuck. The homage to classic horror films is kinda cool. I think the filmmakers tried to make a decent film. The acting sucked. However, you don't watch Slaughter High to see Academy Award moments. You watch it because you're a fan of slashers and you want to turn your brain off and have fun. Recommended if you're looking for your 31st film for Hoop-Tober or if you like shitty films as much as I do.

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