Scream ★★★★

A small-sleepy town gets woke-the-fuck-up by a Ghostface killa, and everyone is a fuckin' suspect. Jiffy Pop on the stove. A fuckin' killer on the phone. A shocking beginning that you never see coming. Neve before her Wild-Things-threesome. An edited-for-television relationship. A severe case of blue-balls. The slutty and busty best-friend. Crazy-as-fuck Stu. Randy works at a video-rental-store and has never been laid. Skeet before Jericho doing his best Johnny Depp impersonation. Deputy fuckin' Dewey. A cougar-tabloid-twit reporter that I would be friends with. A fat-fuck cameraman who loves Cheetos. A scary-staircase chase. High-tech 911. A big-ass cellular phone. Fingering the wrong guy again. A Ray Donovan cameo. Fonzie's last shark-jump. Richard Gere loves gerbils. Who the fuck is Wes Carpenter? Attack-of-the-killer-garage-door. Sid and Billy make a porno. You don't show your tits until you go legit. Halloween on repeat. The obligatory tit-shot. Dewey's badass flashlight will fuck you up. We all go mad sometimes. Looking like you've seen a ghost. Stu gets up close and personal with a TV. A final-dork. One last scare ends with a fuckin' bang. Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson deserve mad-props for creating such a fuckin' clever film that paid homage to the classics, but also spawned countless rip-offs. First there was Halloween. Next came Scream. I'm still waiting for the next big horror film that will change the game like Halloween and Scream did.

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