• Disenchanted

    Disenchanted

    ★★

    is disenchanted (2022) capital G good? no, absolutely not. did i have a capital G great time watching it with the gals? i did, your honour.

  • Terrifier 2

    Terrifier 2

    ★½

    the hype around this really had me curious, and gals, let me tell you it did not live up to it.

    the practical effects are great, i will give it that. they come up with all sorts of new ways to spill blood and guts everywhere and on a technical level i was very into it, very cool, love a bit of goop and gore and this really does deliver there.

    beyond that it's a bit of a shambles honestly.…

  • Hellraiser

    Hellraiser

    ★★½

    i think i made a mistake watching this and the original back to back. there is definitely some good here - i think that overall the plot is a good idea and a nice spin on the hellraiser mythos, jamie clayton is deliciously alluring and malevolent aura as pinhead and there are definitely a lot of really interesting visual ideas around the lament configuration. but i can't help but feel that it falls short on capturing what makes the original…

  • Lightyear

    Lightyear

    ★★½

    it feels wild to me that buzz lightyear from toy story (who is, we now apparently know, merchandise based on the buzz lightyear, the character in lightyear, this movie which simultaneously exists within and outwith the toy story universe) has more emotional maturity than buzz lightyear (the character from the movie lightyear). it's especially crazy when you consider the fact that buzz lightyear (the toy) has more of an excuse for being distrustful and a bit oblivious - he's a…

  • Shania Twain: Not Just a Girl

    Shania Twain: Not Just a Girl

    ★★★

    this reminds me a lot of the linda ronstadt documentary in that it’s not a particularly revolutionary piece of film-making, but it still manages to be both interesting and entertaining by the sheer star power of its subject. there are a lot of similarities between shania and linda’s stories as well - they’re both women whose ambitions and talent really helped them push past boundaries and blow open doors in the music industry, and i think that despite any limitations…

  • Bullet Train

    Bullet Train

    ★★★

    for a movie about a super fast train this really did take a long time to get to the point. i love brad pitt, and he's consistently shown he's really good at delivering the action star/quip machine combo that this sort of movie needs from the person in the centre of it all, so it's impossible for me to be mad at spending two hours watching him do exactly that. beyond brad, although i'd say with everything else was more…

  • John Carter

    John Carter

    ½

    this movie occupies such a specific place in my mind and memory, and i'm currently deep in a weird post-covid brain fog so allow me to take you on a little journey. back when it first came out, my brother had read about it in empire magazine and was really excited to see it, convinced it was going to be amazing, and so we went to see it as a family for his 18th birthday. even back then, before i…

  • Thor: Love and Thunder

    Thor: Love and Thunder

    ★★½

    for the little chunk in the middle where thor, thor and valkyrie fight gorr in the shadow realm i got really, really into this. but everything on either side was a massive let down. the whole thing felt like it was bordering on spilling over into actual parody, to the point where i kept expecting them to cut away to a mockumentary style confessional. the dialogue, the physical comedy, even the needle drops just felt so, so broad and heavy-handed…

  • Stardust

    Stardust

    ★★★½

    i’ve always really enjoyed this as a comfort movie, definitely one of those that i’ve seen on dvd countless times back in the pre-streaming era. doesn’t necessarily add up to the sum of its parts, but the parts are so good that that doesn’t really matter while you’re watching it. it’s a fun fantasy story with enough twists on the classic elements to keep it interesting, but the pacing is a little shambolic for most of the runtime. it’s a…

  • Crimes of the Future

    Crimes of the Future

    ★★★★

    i knew cronenberg had done it again when kstew was standing in the back of viggo's performance giving big "i'll have what he's having!" vibes, when what he's having is essentially an appendectomy.

    another intensely compelling meditation on what it means to be human, examined through a vision of the future where that question is even more complex and the possibilities are a lot more extreme. as is often the case, cronenberg has a great eye for casting and letting…

  • Godzilla vs. Kong

    Godzilla vs. Kong

    ★★★½

    i'm willing to go along with a lot of things, i really believe in the power of suspension of disbelief. but you can't convince me that kong could beat godzilla in a fight and you can't convince me that millie bobby brown is a good actress.

  • Jurassic World Dominion

    Jurassic World Dominion

    honestly the most impressive feat here is that they've managed to make a jurassic park movie that features both too many and too few dinosaurs: too many in the sense that they seem to face down a new, allegedly indomitable dino every few minutes only to evade each of them in order to move methodically onto the next, and too few in that we're told the world has been forever changed because it's been overrun by previously extinct dinosaurs that…