This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.
Jacob’s review published on Letterboxd:
This review may contain spoilers.
I’ve only seen this once playing on T.V years ago and couldn’t remember a single thing about it, so I decided to put my big boy shoes on and go see this bad thang in IMAX 3freakingD. You bet your bottom dollar I had a good time, like a little kid again at a theme park riding a roller coaster but instead the roller coaster is a blurple baby Pterosaur. Every bit of that 15 dollars and 15 extra dollars I spent on a popcorn and coke was totally worth the price of admission. The special effects were meant to be seen in this format. However, just like the roller coaster as a kid, I hated waiting in lines and I hated getting off the rollercoaster. The joy I had on that rollercoaster was gone in a flash, short lived until I got back on another one. That’s the epitome of this film for me, a roller coaster of amazing visuals but once those amazing sequences of using those incredible visuals were gone and it focuses more on the story, it became less of a ride for me and more so a predictable, soulless, overdone story with cardboard cutout characters and stale writing.
Simply put, I believe they just took the story of Pocahontas and decided to make them taller and bluer, give them bird dragons to fly on, have John Smith be a marine and there we go, we have Avatar.
Still enjoyed it but I laughed when Michelle Rodriguez showed up with Avatar paint but dies insignificantly 2 seconds afterwards. Oh, the brother as well. I love how he dies and literally no one acknowledges it. HE WAS THEIR LEADER AND NO ONE ACKNOWLEDGES HIS DEATH????????? LOLOLOLOL
Can’t wait for the second one.
Stephan Lang as GI JOE AMERICA F YEAAAAA!!. At least he realized how silly and overdone the script was.
LEAST FAVORITE ASPECT:
Everything besides the visuals and Stephan Lang’s psychotic character.
The love scene where John Smith sticks his tail in Pocahontas’s tail in front of their ancestor garden with the spiritual dandelions falling down.