Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Portrait of a Lady on Fire ★★★★½

Three takeaways from Portrait of a Lady on Fire:

1. I thought I was supposed to by the horny one, but those teasing cut-aways right when things started to get fiery just torched my wife. She was surely the object of the title: a portrait of a lady on fire.

2. Salty suicide-inducing seaside cliffs, maidens in staid dresses, class commentary in the form of commissioned portraitures, lush recitals of classical literature by the fireplace, repressed lesbian sex in an opulent mansion, and playful meta-text of a painting painted within a painting: salacious and prim, this is my type of period piece.

3. The two lead actresses should have hijacked the film from within, turned the script into pulp fiction, killed the mother with poisonous tea, and lived happily-ever-after, scissoring in their private little paradise!

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