chaotic neutral’s review published on Letterboxd:
"with every passing moment you fear you might have missed your opportunity to make something of your life. i'm here to tell you, every rejection, every disappointment has led you here."
im the sort of person who always feels torn between extremes, between caring too much about everything and then the next moment deciding it all is worthless. its not an easy way to live, it doesn't make my relationships with people feel manageable, i can never decide what is the right thing to do or say and always seem to end up pushing it all aside in favor of spending most of my time alone curled up in bed. the world feels too big, there's too much to do and too much to fuck up, sometimes this whole human thing feels like a commitment that i wonder if i would have made if i could have known what it entails beforehand.
however, the messiness of this life makes it worth living, how incredibly boring would it all be if it all went to plan, if we got everything we wanted? what would be the point then? where would the meaning come from?
the one thing that gets me up in the morning is acknowledging that i fucked up, i continuously fuck up in every aspect of my life and i will continue to do so till the day i'm in the ground and that is the one thing that connects us all. no one has it together, we only have the promise of getting up and trying to do better the next day. if there are thousands of different universes, then maybe i'm doing better in most of those than i am here. that thought used to upset me, like i was owed so much better than what i've been given. this film stands as a reminder for me that while even if those places do exist, i'm here in this one and that's the one that matters.
maybe its all pointless, maybe nothing matters and we're all just fumbling in the dark hoping someone will strike light, we're together at least.