• The Grand Budapest Hotel

    The Grand Budapest Hotel

    ★★★★½

    the “yes but you’re bisexual” exchange is the best line readings in the world and it’s all thanks to Adrien Brody and his silly little mustache

  • Captain America: Civil War

    Captain America: Civil War

    ★★½

    I’m still in love with spiderman

  • Witness

    Witness

    ★★½

    I wish I too could ring a bell and be surrounded by amish men

  • She's Gotta Have It

    She's Gotta Have It

    ★★★½

    some of this was amazing. some of this was clearly written by a man. some of this was beautiful. some of this was brutally realistic. some of this took place in a world I could get lost in. some of this was a little light on the rape recovery and heavy on the toxic apologies.

  • The Dig

    The Dig

    ★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    don’t get between a man and his dirt. especially if the man is carey mulligan and the dirt is an Anglo-Saxon burial ship. 


    my dad said I should give it a 4, my mom cried for like 20 min

  • Spider-Man: Far from Home

    Spider-Man: Far from Home

    ★★★★

    men: ew :( no thank you
    Mr. Peter Parker: if you read this im free on Thursday night and would like to hang out. Please respond to this and then hang out with me on Thursday night when I’m free. I know tomorrow is Thursday so I won’t be offended if you don’t respond until next Thursday but I would like to hang out with you on Thursday night when I’m free

  • The Aristocats

    The Aristocats

    ★★★

    According to all known laws
    of mechanics,

      
    there is no way edgars umbrella
    should be able to fly.

      
    Its spindles are too small to get
    its baggage off the ground.

      
    Edgars umbrella, of course, flies anyway

      
    because edgars umbrella doesn’t care
    what humans think is impossible.

  • Portrait of a Lady on Fire

    Portrait of a Lady on Fire

    ★★★★★

    well that was NOT like the Handmaiden

  • Your Name.

    Your Name.

    ★★★½

    it might’ve helped if the pirated version i watched didn’t cut all audio a quarter of the way through it

  • Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

    Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

    ★★★½

    *abed from community voice* please don’t say we’re doing a bottle episode

  • Hunt for the Wilderpeople

    Hunt for the Wilderpeople

    ★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    loses half a star for killing a dog

    loses the other half star for vandalism and encouraging violence

  • The Darjeeling Limited

    The Darjeeling Limited

    ★★★★

    watching this with my fully Indian dad was an experience I didn’t know I needed

    “they were in Rajasthan when they started and they’re still there the train didn’t move”

    “they do know it’s a funeral pyre right”

    “it’s nimbu pani not sweet lime”

    “this music doesn’t make sense”