sexualjumanji has written 8 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • Dinosaur Hotel

    Dinosaur Hotel

    ★½

    performances of lives were made here. mostly by the dinosaurs. everyone keeps calling the dinosaur hotel a house.

  • Space Jam: A New Legacy

    Space Jam: A New Legacy

    ★½

    half star for ernie johnson.
    half star for don cheadle.
    half star for gossamer.

    this movie sucked ass. wicked bad. IP porn overload. some funny parts but they weren't meant to be that way.

  • Army of the Dead

    Army of the Dead

    ★½

    this is like a video game in all the worst ways. every 10 minutes a character uses a different level of steiner math about an amount of money that is absolutely hilarious and keeps changing. dave bautista straight up was not allowed to speak in this movie if he wasn't making some kind of food based quip. nothing gain nothing lost from watching this perfect movie

    edit: lol the last scene of the movie absolutely made me lose my shit. none of the timing makes sense. the math doesnt make sense. nothing. i will never watch another zack snyder movie on god

  • The Redemption of the Heart

    The Redemption of the Heart

    ★½

    lord i give my life and i give my soul to you for you are my shephard and you keep me safe and look out for me at all times AMEN AMEN AMEN THANK YOU LORD!!!

  • The Wicker Man
  • Troll 2

    Troll 2

    the goblin mom lowkey a cutie though...

  • Stuber

    Stuber

    oh brother does this stink out loud.

  • The Strangers: Prey at Night

    The Strangers: Prey at Night

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    let me start this review by saying this movie stinks out loud

    *SPOILERS AT ALL POINTS AFTER*

    first of all the dad is way too horny and i hate him with my life

    second of all what do these people have against using guns against people who have literally murdered their entire family i mean what the fuck dude you have a gun pointed at somoene who just slice and diced ur family n ur like buhhhhhhh me no shoot…