Bullet Train

Bullet Train ★★★★

This genre is my shit; the 'Lock, Stock' 'Bad Times at the El Royale' 'Copshop' genre with fast talkers, great dialogue, funky characters, slick action, and a unique flair. I'm temporarily mad at anyone that hates this; I'll take a 60s David Leitch action sequence over a full 2hrs of the usual shit, fuck you if this movie tanks & I get more cut-to-death edits, I will fight you.

This movie's fucking fun, that's all there is to it. Thank God the action scenes are smartly choreographed cuz this movie is 95% action. This was a five star movie for me in the first hour. Then, somehow, even though I loved everything going on, it really started to exhaust itself after that point. I was throwing up hands at the last scene. I was so surprised at how quickly I grew somewhat weary of something that I was really digging in the first half. In my opinion, it's because the story setup almost never stops. Character intros, asides, flashbacks, and essential plot points continue to be introduced (even in the ending) which starts to confuse the audience. Take out 3-4 of the 18 characters/plots and this is a perfect 90min movie. If everything is a special cameo, then nothing's special. What once felt like fun coincidence turned into 'Final Destination' and the audience loses that sense of any stakes as they tiredly sit back while the plot gods mish-mash action figures for the last 10min. But I don't want to belabor the point cuz it's still fucking fun, pretty sure everyone will have a good time (except critics I guess); the cast is fantastic, Aaron Perry Johnson & Brian Tyree Henry's best roles, and yes Brad Pitt was great and kicks ass very well here. I was impressed.

I really don't know how you can say shit like "this is objectively Brad Pitt's worst movie" lol why do people love reviews that say that. It would be laughable if not pathetic. How can you claim to be objective and just piss these takes like the movie gods gifted you as their prophet.

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