The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

Look at this poor old man's face. He has just watched this movie. What a total mess of a film. This is a two and a half hour film that spends at least one and a half on battle scenes. You might think that sounds awesome, but no, this is some of the dumbest shit you can imagine. Remember in Lord of the Rings when you felt like the main characters were really trying hard not to die? Sure we know they won't because they're all famous protagonists, but it at least felt dangerous. Well that's out the window when Legolas can grab a Zubat by its legs and steer it where he wants to go. Or when dudes are Cirque du Soleil-ing around troll pigs and pod racing on wooden carts. It's like Peter Jackson was pitching this stuff and nobody in the room even considered pointing out how fucking stupid Christopher Lee would look fighting ghosts.
There is one good thing about this movie though. Martin Freeman is a perfect hobbit and nails every scene he's in. Too bad they decided to all but cut out the hobbit from The Hobbit.

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