Ya know, I liked Insidious a lot. I liked The Conjuring a normal amount. Saw was cool at first. My point is I believe James Wan knows how to entertain.

So what the fuck happened here? When the movie opened I was 100% sure we were watching an in-universe soap opera and any second now they were going to zoom out from the TV screen and the actors would know how to deliver lines. By the time we were still listening to exposition in the second act I knew better. By the time they had the balls to use the 2006 iMovie rain filter in the third, I had transitioned completely to talking over the damn thing.

It's bad. The acting, the directing, the writing, the dialogue, the makeup, everything. The villain is some terrible mixture of The Crow, a cenobite, and something that the edgiest 14-year-old would scoff at. The main character has the worst line delivery since that infamous Mortal Kombat: Annihilation video.

I desperately need to know the medical term for squishing two brains together.