• Good Boy

    Good Boy


    In terms of horror movies involving humans in dog cages...Viljar Bøe's Good Boy is sort of like Barbarian...if Barbarian didn't bravely go for broke' in it's second half. It has it's own fairly major, if very predictable, narrative turn partway. And I would have been fine with said 'expected' turn of events...if the film, from that point onward, attempted to get any more substantive, or even weirder, than what we have already seen in the bare minimum of promotional material.…

  • White Dog

    White Dog


    I sent a screenplay to Paramount for a pitched legacy sequel, titled White Dog: Stormfront; where Whitey's grandpups have to escape from a pound after being formally charged as Jan. 6th co-conspirators. I can only assume I never got a response because of the ongoing writers strike.

  • Strays



    The canned suspenseful music for this USA Network TV movie doesn't do remotely anything to elevate the "sheer terror" of stray cats that dull out less carnage than a sterilized Garfield. All the cats do in this film - the very few times we see them anyway - is climb on top of stuff and make standard cat noises...and by the way our human leads react to such, you'd think they were being acosted by some grimoire conjured demon spirit.…

  • Strays



    As far as raunchy parodies of juvenile sub-genres go...Strays is at least funnier than say Sausage Party. Out of the 8 or so dog jokes I hadn't already seen on Family Guy...a solid half of those gave me genuine belly laughs. But on the subject of subpar Homeward Bound inspos; did you know that in 2008, the American Humane Association forbade **Disney's** Snow Buddies from using the "No animals were harmed" disclaimer after 5 PUPPIES DIED during production? Call Strays barely a movie if you like, but (as far as I know) NONE of it's on-screen pups died after being negligently exposed to a fatal virus.

  • Bottoms



    No hyperbole, this is maybe one of my favorite "teen" flicks ever. It's like 21 Jump Street, if said film took it's "fuck you whatever" attitude to parodic heights in the vein of a top tier Zucker Brothers production. If we are to learn anything in 2023, it's that (in terms of recently released sub-genre parodies) we NEED far more movies like Bottoms and Weird: The Al Yankovic Story...and far less sterile spoofs like Strays...


  • Heathers



    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    On the subject of mid to late 80's teen comedies, I wish Weird Science had the nards to get as tonally dark as Heathers. Chet immediately commiting suicide after turning into a literal turd monster, just sounds like a more relatable ending in my opinion.

  • Blue Beetle

    Blue Beetle


    I was formally introduced to the Jaimie Reyes mantle of Blue Beetle '12 years ago' with S10E18 of Smallville - I swear to god this isn't a clip from Power Rangers Samurai - only to be introduced a few years later to the former Ted Kord BB mantle with the New 52's Justice League 3000. But I never really got into either incarnations until I kept up with the Rebirth era's BB title run; with said series effectively highlighting the…

  • Guyver: Dark Hero

    Guyver: Dark Hero


    Modestly better in every single aspect than the first entry; minus the inessential 2 hour runtime and the marginally lesser visual effects. That all said, I have no clue why the primary stock sound effect for the human alien rhino tribrid was that of a cat being pushed off a couch.

  • The Guyver

    The Guyver


    I swear that the two stars I awarded this Brian Yuzna production are 'exclusively' for director Screaming Mad George's insanely good and goopy practical monster effects. Said effects are seriously something to marvel at (and gag at). It could be argued that The Guyver's fairly tame PG-13 rating perhaps often sanitizes the "gross potential" of George's twisted talents...but there remains an authentic sheen of sliminess throughout this film - both in terms of the physical effects and figurately in regards…

  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem


    Before I obligatorily simp over the animation style here...let me just say that the prefix title to Mutant Mayhem should pretty much be Teenage Mutant Turtles. As a reimagined origin story (written by Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg and Jeff Lowe), the way this film explains just how the Turtles become so "proficient" in 'ninjutsu' feels unecessarily retooled and particularly uninspired...to the point of being comparible to the 2012 Amazing Spider-Man reboot's redundantly lazy "re-telling" of Peter Parker's origin story; where…

  • Batman vs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

    Batman vs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


    While I remember liking the graphic novel this is based on just fine; I very much appreciated that this cross-over adaptation outright abandons the original comics use of the "multiverse" - and therefore the exhausting supply of heedless references that come with such a {now} overused concept - and rather just focuses on visually conveying an expectedly endearing, briskly focused (and self contained) narrative...even going so far as to just firmly imply that Batman and the Turtles exist in the…

  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


    I wonder if Splinter ever vaccinated the turtles in this universe (or any universe for that matter)? I only ask because there had to be oodles of discarded syringes just layin' around the NYC sewer system from 1975 to 1990. *If the lore of the original Mirage comic series ever clarified that "the ooze" gives the turtles immunity to bloodborn pathogens, please correct me on this.*