Dear NBCUniversal,
As a loyal season pass holder to your theme parks, I unfortunately must give you an ultimatum: either bring back The Cabin in the Woods maze to Halloween Horror Nights, or I am just going to keep crop dusting the gift shop for the Secret Life of Pets ride...it's as simple as that.
Sincerely,
A man with IBS and a lot of time on his hands
Pumpkin King Marathon 🎃 👑 (2021)
*12 (of 31)
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Dimension Films Exec: "Thanks for stopping by Rob, as you know we got big plans for your 𝘏𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 sequel and... - "
Rob Zombie: "Pay me in fog machines or I walk."
Exec: "What...?"
Rob Zombie: {takes a swig of homemade moonshine in milk carton} "You heard me you stupid fuck! Instead of paying me one mill to direct, I want roughly 20,000 fog machines from the nearest party supply…
In terms of horror movies involving humans in dog cages...Viljar Bøe's Good Boy is sort of like Barbarian...if Barbarian didn't bravely go for broke' in it's second half. It has it's own fairly major, if very predictable, narrative turn partway. And I would have been fine with said 'expected' turn of events...if the film, from that point onward, attempted to get any more substantive, or even weirder, than what we have already seen in the bare minimum of promotional material.…
Ok. I'm baffled here for a number of reasons. I was recommended this HP Lovecraft adaption in good faith and never in my life have I seen such a laughable mess (understatement) receive so much praise from a majority of outlets. It currently has an 83% on Rotten Tomatoes, and I'm truly astounded and both confused considering you have all the hallmarks of a "unintended" comedy classic here, let alone a "good" movie. If you were to create a schlock…
Why am I even attempting to review this? It's 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨. A monsoon of gore. Ghost furries. Jack Nicholsons eyebrows. An axe. Another axe. Ghost bartender. Everyone loves this fucking movie. If you have not seen it, you're late to a party that's been going on 40 years straight.
