Rory has written 24 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • Scary Movie

    Scary Movie

    ★½

    A few inspired moments do little to cover up a horrifically racist, transphobic, misogynistic, homophobic trash fire that feels like it would have (should have?) pissed people off at the time of release, let alone now.

  • Johnny English Strikes Again

    Johnny English Strikes Again

    ★½

    Not really a film, but more of a collection of unfunny sketches, all of which go on for about ten minutes too long. How many fucking times can these films go for the ‘list-of-our-agents-names-has-been-leaked’ bit and still think it’s fun? Obviously this is a parody so it might be taking the piss out of that trope, but it’s still fucking boring.

  • Hubie Halloween

    Hubie Halloween

    ★½

    Dear fucking god why does he have to do that voice for the whole thing??? Kinda tedious and extremely unfunny apart from the running joke of Hubie getting random large objects chucked at his head, which was inspired.

  • After

    After

    ★½

    Congratulations Netflix, your shitty selection has driven me into the cruel arms of the Harry Styles fanfic movie. I hope you’re happy. This was the most boring film I’ve ever seen.

  • 6 Underground

    6 Underground

    ★½

    It’s possible that Bay might be in on the joke here, but that doesn’t make this any less hideous. Imagine London has Fallen if Deadpool was the lead, with an atrocious Imagine Dragons-adjacent soundtrack. It’s enough to make the blood run cold.

  • Cats

    Cats

    ★½

    Nonsense in the purest sense of the word. All I’ll say is that my beloved family cat of 10 years is on thin fucking ice after this.

  • Climax

    Climax

    ★½

    Imagine if Jared Leto's Joker directed a film. Absolute trash.

  • Wine Country

    Wine Country

    ★½

    Strong contender for the most boring film I’ve ever seen. It does have occasional funny moments, but mostly it’s just a weirdly depressing slog. Not even Maya Rudolph can save this.

  • Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

    Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

    ★½

    Deary fucking me, this is barely even a film. The plot is almost non-existent, but somehow still manages to be needlessly complicated and incoherent, stuffing in as many jarring Harry Potter references as possible along the way. It’s actually quite difficult to review because LITERALLY NOTHING HAPPENS. 

  • Derren Brown: Sacrifice

    Derren Brown: Sacrifice

    ★½

    Always used to love Derren Brown but this was the most unconvincing attempt at a ‘real life experiment’ I’ve ever seen.

  • Zombeavers

    Zombeavers

    ★½

    This had absolutely no right to be as boring as it is. I liked the guy getting his dick bitten off by his zombeaver’d girlfriend though, that was rad.

  • Mad Max

    Mad Max

    ★½

    I...I hated this. So much. I can’t believe this is meant to be ‘dystopian’ when the only thing that’s different is that the cops wear leather and the motorcycle gangs are a bit whacky. A lot of people don’t like the use of the word ‘boring’ in film reviews but you know what, this was boring, BORING, B O R I N G. Fuck this, honestly I can’t believe how shit this was, oh BOY.