Bullet Train

Bullet Train ★½

I've seen worse and more insulting big studio tentpoles this year but few trying as desperately and pathetically hard to be liked and considered cool as this. If you're gonna do a noxious & hollow aestheticization of Japan you can at least take a single note of what makes Eastern action idk... good? Composed? Anything? Maybe just focus on having a single action sequence that takes any advantage of the spacial geography of its setting instead of just having one of our great leading men dropping Ryan Reynolds-tier soy banter and "ironically" placed needle drops of upbeat pop hits over violent action. An action film for people who's favourite film is Kingsman, congrats guys, everything is Deadpool now, y'all won.

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