25 he/him

I'm just a simple man with opinions about movies

I like to rank shit

Favorite films

  • The Princess Bride
  • Emma.
  • The Grand Budapest Hotel
  • Scream

Recent activity

  • Jeruzalem

  • The Descent




  • Cobweb


Pinned reviews

  • Thunder Road

    Thunder Road


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I don't like to think about my mother's death. Of course, that sentiment isnt a unique one; I'm not the only person on the planet that doesn't want their mother to die. But I think I've come closer to reckoning with this unavoidable future than some.

    See, my mom had cancer. Thankfully, she's fine now – it was caught in the early stages and safely removed – but I can't ever forget how it felt to receive that news. Fast…

  • Angel's Egg

    Angel's Egg


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Maybe no one really exists and it is only raining outside.

    A Man and a Girl sit inside a desolate structure, near the hollow remains of a city forgotten by the world. The Girl cradles an egg – an expectant mother protecting the child within – and the Man recounts the biblical story of Noah, only with an ending sorely lacking the hope and rebirth of the original tale. Not long after, once the Girl is asleep, the Man destroys…

Recent reviews

  • Jeruzalem


    At this point, if a found-footage movie is bad, I don't see any reason to deign it with an actual review.

    JeruZalem was not fun-bad, like I was hoping. Just bad. Not even any actual cool or named demons, just a bunch of what I assume were the filmmakers take on imps (and one big 240p giant fella who added nothing to the film).

  • The Descent

    The Descent


    One of the only horror movies in history to (on my first viewing) leave me breathlessly terrified. Not as scary on this watch, but still left me with my pulse racing and my palms sweaty. Fucking incredible film.

Popular reviews

  • Megalopolis


    My boy Frankie C is officially the ballsiest filmmaker in the world for this one.

    120 million dollars. Out of pocket. On a movie that in all likelihood will fail monetarily. What a fucking madman. I'll take 120 million tickets, please.

  • The Batman

    The Batman


    Stunning. Masterful. Completely deserving of a three hour runtime. The Batman is the purest form of our favorite edgy vigilante yet put to the big screen, with Robert Pattinson delivering a Dark Knight who is still searching for a reason, a way to make a difference in his city; a Dark Knight whose career as a "hero" hasn't even begun; a Dark Knight who cares more about vengeance than about being a symbol for the people of Gotham to believe…