Patrick has written 12 reviews for films rated ★★ during 2019.

  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    ★★

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    .........I liked Babu Frik?

  • Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

    Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

    ★★

    Some of this movie is very bad, but also there's a part where Michael stabs a guy and lifts him up and impales him on some electrical stuff so he gets zapped and then his head explodes

  • Joker

    Joker

    ★★

    I have this whole series of YouTube videos that are like “what if Werner Herzog directed Ant-Man” or “what if the show Gotham was a teen drama” or “what if there was a gritty Tintin reboot.”

    Anyway Joker is like if someone made a feature-length version of one of those.

  • Resident Evil: Retribution

    Resident Evil: Retribution

    ★★

    Every time Albert Wesker comes back after dying in the previous movie I automatically deduct half a star

  • Resident Evil: Apocalypse

    Resident Evil: Apocalypse

    ★★

    One of these stars is just for the great acting Jared Harris does while peering over his tiny impractical glasses

  • X-Men: The Last Stand

    X-Men: The Last Stand

    ★★

    A dumb, annoying movie.

  • The Mummy

    The Mummy

    ★★

    It is so god damn weird that Tom Cruise is in this movie

  • Knight of Cups

    Knight of Cups

    ★★

    Terry what are you doing

  • Dark Phoenix

    Dark Phoenix

    ★★

    These movies are finally over!

  • Ray

    Ray

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I like how Ray goes to rehab and then the movie just...ends. And text tells us "he never did drugs again."

  • Serenity

    Serenity

    ★★

    Every time I think about how the fish is named Justice my brain breaks all over again.

  • Hellraiser: Bloodline

    Hellraiser: Bloodline

    ★★

    This movie begins on a spaceship in the year 2127, then flashes back to the 1700s with Adam Scott as an evil French aristocrat, then jumps forward to 1996. It's bad, but it's definitely not boring.