Slaughter High

Slaughter High ★★

The world's oldest high schoolers, who were presumably so lacking in intelligence that they were held back 20 years, pull an April Fools Day prank on a fellow student, humiliating him by getting him naked in the belief that he's going to have sex, and then film him as the joke is revealed. Not content with this they go on to engineer a situation where, during an after school and unsupervised session in the chemistry lab, he is both set on fire and covered in nitric acid (a little safety tip here, never store your acid on a high up and very wobbly shelf).

Years later when they are all grown up, although they don't look like they've aged a day and certainly aren't any brighter, they all go back to the old, and now derelict school, for a reunion where one by one they are all killed. Bet you didn't see that coming did you?

This may well be a first for me, a Slasher movie where I am cheering on the killer because everyone one of his would be victims completely deserves their fate. Because not one of them ever expresses any regret for their actions and the harm they have caused.

OK, so I will admit that as Marty is being stretchered out of the school with his horrendously burned face, Caroline Munro's character says she's sorry, but I can only think it was a momentary lapse of reason on her part because she, like all the others, are having a good laugh about what happened to Marty as they all meet up with one another again.

So without question they all deserve what's coming to them, the only pity of it is that it takes so long to get it over and done with.

Amazingly it took three directors to make this and yet still it is utterly devoid of any tension, the final hour is devoted to the killings, which mostly require the individual to be in a particular place at a particular time, doing a particular thing. And while the killer is masked and we get a reveal it is (spoiler) exactly who you think it is.

Harry Manfredini does his best to liven things up but all that means is that the film ends up being overscored.

In all of this I attach absolutely no blame to Marty, yes, he did fall for the oldest trick in the book and in some way he will have known that there was a strong possibility that he was being pranked, but the chance to get his leg over with Caroline Munro is totally worth the risk.

So if you want to see a movie where all the victims (admittedly the caretaker is collateral damage) are just horrible and get exactly what's coming to them, then this is for you, but it does rather miss the point about Slasher films.

And the finale? Puzzling, just puzzling.