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always a milkmaid, never a milk. often found trying my damnedest to steer my aging parents away from colorless 2-star thrillers.

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Favorite films

All

The Magic Blade 1976

★★★★ Watched 07 Oct 2023

I mean, it’s an hour & 37 minutes full of pitch black skies, opulent sets, sword artistry, assassins with gimmicks, magic superweapons & kung fu treachery starring Ti Lung & Lo Lieh, of course it’s gonna be excellent
Drive 1997

★★★★ Watched 20 Jul 2023

the fact that we got three Rush Hour movies but only one of these is some of the strongest evidence I’ve seen to date that we’re living under the lash of a hateful demiurge in one of the worst possible universes

Frankenstein's Monster's Monster, Frankenstein 2019

★★★★ Rewatched 29 Nov 2023

“In that sliver of authenticity, a universe you shall find.” — David Harbour, Jr.
One day we’ll get a full 4K restoration of The Crying Detective. One day Joey Vallejo will see justice.
Have a Good Funeral, My Friend… Sartana Will Pay 1970

★★★ Watched 27 Nov 2023

I appreciate that in keeping with the extremely cool title Sartana literally pays for several funerals & coffins throughout this one. Garko is back with a great moustache & some excellent tricks — early on he uses a lead pocketwatch to disarm one guy & knock out two others & if I hadn’t already been all in I would’ve been after that. Throw in a scumbag banker villain with an absolutely absurd gimmick weapon & this franchise is officially in business again.

The Most Dangerous Game 1978

★★½ Watched 22 Jun 2023

man, idk what they were trying to sell here but this guy isn’t an antihero at all, he’s just a dick — he doesn’t even seem like a particularly good assassin. he hates women more than pretty much any other guy in Japanese crime cinema of the period, which is an insanely high bar. it’s obvious he’s trying to do some kinda Sonny Chiba thing but he’s just utterly unlikeable & it sucks. the soundtrack is honestly fantastic — excellent crime…
Dragon Swamp 1969

★★★½ Watched 05 Nov 2023

Really surprisingly well-realized considering it's from 1969! The undercranking & wirework aren't quite there yet, but most of the important Shaw hallmarks are already on display: great choreography, clever practical effects, expansive sets, & a super-impressive cast of upcoming greats including an extremely young, handsome Lo Lieh & a woefully underutilized/unrecognizable Ku Feng. There are even a couple of cool prototypical fantasy wuxia chi antics — you can definitely feel the early tendrils of ideas that would lead to the insane glory of…