X: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes

X: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes ★★★★½

XCUITY® (cormandus millandrochloride ophthalmic solution) 1.25% is an off-prescription eye drop used to expand the range of the electromagnetic spectrum in the vision of megalomaniacal doctors.

• Do not use XCUITY if you are allergic to any of the ingredients.
• XCUITY may cause the temporary ability to see through clothing. Use caution when drinking martinis and frugging at parties with attractive women. Remember that no means no.
• Temporary mentalist scams involving insulting carnival barkers may occur while using XCUITY.
• When using XCUITY, do not provide impromptu medical diagnoses for cash donations while on the lam for manslaughter.
• Seek medical care if you experience eye discoloration as a result of using XCUITY. If you develop black sclera and gold irises, stagger to the nearest tent revival immediately for assistance.
• Remember that in Vegas the house always wins, even if XCUITY allows you to see which cards the dealer is holding.
• Under no circumstances should you attempt to drive along the Las Vegas Strip while under the influence of XCUITY.
• Improper dosing of XCUITY may result in the inability to sleep due to your eyelids becoming transparent.
• The most common side effects of XCUITY are headache, eye redness and irritation, loss of sanity, visions of a great eye at the center of the Universe watching us all, and an uncontrollable urge to pluck thine eyes out because they offend thee.

However, these are not all the possible side effects of XCUITY. You are encouraged to report any additional negative side effects of XCUITY to American International Pictures Pharmaceutical Division. Visit www.rogercorman.gov/baddrugs or call 1-800-DCK-MLLR.

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