Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 ★★★★★

It’s now been 10 films since Endgame. And with each one, my enjoyment, hope, and admiration for the MCU has lessened and lessened. After the war crime that was Quantumania, I was all but ready to fully abandon the franchise that had consumed my life for over a decade. And then, this film came out.

I sat in that fucking theater for two and a half hours. No one cheered, few audibly laughed, and at the end I realized all the people who I’d seen in theaters for years dressed to the nines in elaborate getups in anticipation of their next favorite movie’s premiere had now left their costumes at home. And yet, I didn’t care. I loved every fucking minute of it. And I was constantly telling myself, “You goddamn shill. You weak willed fanboy sellout. How can you forget all the lifeless disappointments and formulaic excuses for films mindlessly shat out by the quantity-over-quality machine that is Feige’s rectum? Can one film really change that?”

No, maybe it can’t. But it sure can make me fall back in love, if only just for a moment. Guys…this movie absolutely rules.

Maybe it’s just James Gunn pouring his heart and soul onto the screen, pushing his glorious tits together as he walks backwards into the sunset, shouting “take a good long look, Kevin, because this is the last time!” Maybe it’s the nostalgic soundtrack algorithm that every fucking filmmaker has tried to mimic since the first Guardians reinvigorated the needle drop. Maybe it’s Rocket Raccoon getting the BEST ORIGIN STORY IN THE ENTIRE MCU. Whatever the hell it is, it fucking works. It’s genuine. It’s unforced. It’s epic and intimate at the same time. It’s everything that the MCU has forgotten how to be. 

And now, somehow, it’s over. Maybe it really is a sign of the times. Maybe Feige, much like the High Evolutionary in this movie, finally realized that his creation has surpassed its creator, and now he’s doomed to die in a burning world of his own design as he watches that now-untethered creativity and wonder depart for other universes in search of greener pastures. 

There is so much more that this movie manages to accomplish. The relationships have never been more front and center than they are here. Rocket is the heart of the story. The villain isn’t just some dark reflection of the hero and he’s not hellbent on world domination; he’s just a fucking asshole with a bit of societal commentary. Peter and Gamora’s new relationship is tasteful and not pandering. Nebula has glowed up to the point of no return. Groot is a gun-wielding badass ripoff of Machamp. Mantis and Drax get to be three-dimensional and do things of relevance. Nathan Fillion gives the best MCU cameo in years. Gunn’s wife is in it, because obviously. The baby Rocket toy line will be a Christmas best seller. It has a Toy Story 3-esque ending that might be one of my all time favorite emotional resolutions. I cried way too much. And Chris Pratt says “fuck”. 

This movie is amazing. I don’t care about how wrong I was to give up hope, even if the future now leaves along with Gunn’s final punch card. It was worth it for this. Ok, overreaction over. Peace out.

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