• The Cat Returns

    The Cat Returns


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    A movie about not wanting to marry a cat, except maybe this other one, he’s different.

  • Elvis



    Feels like it goes on forever, and is not quite delirious enough for me. BUT. The movie never really gets too bogged down by plot, instead painting broad emotional strokes that lead to much more of the typical biopic stuff working in my case. When it goes bananas, I’m all in, and when it doesn’t, I’m still kinda there, I just wish there wasn’t so much of it.

  • Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City

    Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City


    Maybe the first time incessant fan service worked for me.

  • Lightyear



    As of 7:23am Central Time, June 17th 2022, the explanation for the Buzz Lightyear toy Andy has and this movie is this: Lightyear came out in 1986, and the Buzz toy is part of a line from the animated spinoff show, a la The Real Ghostbusters. Fine. Whatever. This is the best explanation so far, and it doesn’t inherently contradict the title card of this movie, which says that Andy received a toy from his favorite movie. It feels off…

  • Jurassic World Dominion

    Jurassic World Dominion


    Baffled as to what this movie is. It tells me it’s a Jurassic Park sequel, but there are TWO plots more important than anything with dinosaurs. Sure, there’s always a dino on the sideline, but like, even the villain dino is just kinda there.

    The original gang spends the entire movie now investigating… wait for it… BUGS! We get more human clone updates! The giganotosaurus is as bad at chasing everyone as the characters in Obi-Wan are at chasing Leia! …

  • Fireworks



    Takeshi Kitano: Looks like a regular guy.

    Takeshi Kitano when he puts the sunglasses on: Suddenly the coolest person in the entire world.

  • Crimes of the Future

    Crimes of the Future


    Cronenberg, I beg of you, think about how inherently fun your concepts are. They don’t have to be so academically toned! You can do both!

    Stewart understands, at least.

  • Top Gun: Maverick

    Top Gun: Maverick


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    May need to be careful about rewatches, as I’m already paying too much attention on the cockpits and getting bothered by everyone being in the backseat.

  • The Batman

    The Batman


    3.5 is looking a little high.

  • Pillow Talk

    Pillow Talk



  • Morbius


    Don’t let the memes fool you, there’s nothing redeemable about this movie, at all. I apologize for anything negative I ever said about Venom. I now own this piece of shit and am thereby a piece of shit by association, and I can never blot out the stain I have created on my soul by consuming this.

  • Barton Fink

    Barton Fink


    There’s a lot of directors I don’t like, but I don’t know if there’s any that I’m more apathetic to than the Coens.