The Northman

The Northman ★★★

not really convinced this “singular vision from the mind of Robert Eggers” is all that different from the vision you’d get if you polled 5 random guys at the gym. I don’t mean that pejoratively - this was silly, pretty and expensive in the ways you’d want it to be

I know this aspires to be really earthy and physical, like a grimy flesh and blood depiction of what it’d be like to be an actual gross muddy dude living in the past, but then they constantly spoil it with, like . . . some shiny Assassin’s Creed-looking sequence, or sex scenes between two unblemished, porcelain bodies awkwardly covering their nudity like they’re posing for the cover of a 90s romance paperback

historically inauthentic abs. guys didn’t work their core like this back then

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