Favorite films

  • The Shining
  • The Thing
  • Ratatouille
  • Alien

Recent activity

  • A Goofy Movie


  • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2


  • Mission: Impossible - Fallout


  • You've Got Mail


Pinned reviews

  • The Northman

    The Northman


    Robert Eggers, one of the most exciting filmmakers of our time, is someone I had mixed feelings on until The Northman. Although I initially put his The Lighthouse at the top of my 2019 list, that film’s power has gradually weakened on me over the years (I go back and forth on it constantly), and I didn’t know why until I saw The Northman yesterday.

    The VVitch and The Lighthouse are technically stirring horror experiments dealing with folklore and the innate self-destructiveness…

  • Spider-Man 3

    Spider-Man 3


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Took down some notes during the Emo Peter segment to show just how genius it is:

    -Eddie Brock is a little weasel who deserved everything that happened to him. Plagiarism and libel are the cardinal sins of journalism and he should’ve considered the consequences. At least he learns one thing, though: He takes Peter’s advice to “Get religion” when he goes to the church.

    -If you pause to read the Daily Bugle’s retraction for publishing Brock’s faked photos, you can…

Recent reviews

  • Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

    Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2


    Still far and away the best Marvel movie and in many ways an improvement over its predecessor. The soundtrack is less iconic, but it uses its songs for more powerful moments than the first. The visuals are less practical, but the CGI is so detailed and the digital landscapes are gorgeous. The writing is less funny, but it gets to the heart of its characters far more often, actually giving them arcs and goals to complete. The story is even…

  • Mission: Impossible - Fallout

    Mission: Impossible - Fallout


    A total game-changer not just for the series but for action filmmaking as a whole. The Paris bike chase, rooftop run, and helicopter chase are straight up three of the greatest action set pieces of all time and render every other scene in the series near-worthless. The rest of Hollywood should watch these real stunts with seamless VFX and be ashamed of themselves for not pushing the limits with what they can achieve with their budgets. Even when it distractingly…

Popular reviews

  • Black Widow

    Black Widow


    It’s kinda fun, it’s kinda boring. The jokes sucked. The action was kinda cool. The drama is super hit or miss. The villain sucks. Scarlett Johansson and Florence Pugh are great. It’s super unnecessary. A movie from Marvel Studios.

  • He's All That

    He's All That

    This movie costed $20,000,000 to finance and produce. You might be asking yourself: “How the hell did this pile of dogshit cost $20 million to make?” It seems ridiculous, I know, but when you see just how the money was spent it actually makes perfect sense:

    $15,000,000 was spent to get Kourtney Kardashian for two scenes.

    $4,900,000 was spent to cast Addison Rae, our next Meryl Streep.

    $20,000 for advertising, give-or-take.

    About $10,000 went into the remaining casting.

    $1,000 for…