• Malignant

    Malignant

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Omg… I am alive with pleasure!!! I know who killed me + basket case + brain damage plus you know I love bad wigs!! I’ll just go ahead and say I guess we haven’t moved past “monstrous” on the outside = monstrous on the inside in horror and that’s too bad but to see little Gabriel’s arms curl and wiggle like that… what a delight… you know I loved him also wtf that holding cell scene (pre-Gabriel) was like straight…

  • Nosferatu the Vampyre

    Nosferatu the Vampyre

    Nosferatu the mouth breather

  • The Innkeepers

    The Innkeepers

    Hmmmm when Leanne Rease-Jones said she was going to a psychics convention and pulled out her pendulum and started talking about how everything is divinely connected and there’s no beginning or end I was like oooo yes this is so me 😎 and I thought we were going to get more of that but no we didn’t and every time I see a ti west movie and I think oh boy this is really building up to something big and…

  • Session 9

    Session 9

    Hmm just gonna say something tragic here… I knew that guy wasn’t American because I recognized him from the Harry Potter movies (that’s the tragic part) but I was chewing my food so loudly during the first few scenes that I missed some of the early exposition and didn’t really hear him speak clearly until probably at least 15-20 minutes in so at that point I’m like huh when did he decide to do this but I’m guessing he was…

  • Dracula

    Dracula

    You know I hate that damn Gary Freak Evil Man but of course I love dissolve into rats and all the other weird stuff!!!

  • Speed

    Speed

    ★★★★★

    He’s so persistent he always gets his man!!!

  • Puss in Boots

    Puss in Boots

    Kept forgetting he was an ogre and not a genie! Imagine if shrek could do that

  • Gothika

    Gothika

    I assumed her name was going to be gothika but like halfway through I remembered that I still didn’t understand why this was called gothika! And I still don’t know to this day (as in the next morning because I watched this last night) also my roommate and I were joking during Robert Downey Jr’s introductory scene that the biggest unexpected twist would be if he wasn’t eventually revealed to be the villain because there’s just like no way he couldn’t be given how untrustworthy and non-doctor-ish he is but actually… way!!!

  • The Green Knight

    The Green Knight

    I had fun I wasn’t bored I liked spending time with Dev but god David Lowery is so annoying!! I’m sick of hearing about how this is all there is and everything is just going to decompose or return to the earth or whatever in the end! Like I’m just trying to watch a movie here shut up!

  • The Number 23

    The Number 23

    I don’t mean to alarm you but my birthday is July 23 so… I don’t know just warning you

  • Candyman

    Candyman

    Odd that a movie that seems to be saying something about the danger (or at least sliminess) of using real people’s real life trauma and tragedy for some kind of clout boost in your own creative work would essentially do just that? They’ve had like 30 years to work on the original’s flaws and instead they went for things-we-know-you-care-about-like-gentrification-and-police-brutality-but-safely-repackaged-without-any-sense-of-subtlety-or-nuance-or-genuine-human-emotion also lol about the character that was like “I did laundry in this flashback as a little boy so now I only do laundry all the time”

  • Reminiscence

    Reminiscence

    I love dumb shit like this!!! I couldn’t stop thinking about if they dyed huge jackedman’s hair for this?? He’s gotta be graying and his beard was like a different color than his too-dark hair especially whenever he’d pop out of the water memory tank with wet hair. Just let him be gray it’s ok who cares! Also loved that he’s still massively buff even through he spends half of his time floating in the water pod memory tank. “Tell me a happy story” “have you heard of orpheus and eurydice“ lmao