• Samurai III: Duel at Ganryu Island

    Samurai III: Duel at Ganryu Island


    Has both the best and the woret parts of the trilogy. The final duel is incredible. Legendary stuff and it looks fantastic. The intro is also once again great. And then, just like the previous two movies, the middle chunk is just not great. Love the concept of Musashi kind of just being a farmer, but it just doesn't work very well in this. This trilogy could have like easily been one three hour movie, but all of them are…

  • The Little Mermaid

    The Little Mermaid


    Year: 2023 Ranked

    I wish nothing but the best for the cast and crew, but I hated every frame of this. Looks terrible, the added songs feel completely out of place next to the original songs, and the added hour somehow make the movie and characters feel even less fleshed out.

    Maybe I'm missing something, because a lot of my mutuals seem to loving it. But I really could not stand this. Horrendous stuff.

  • Winchester '73

    Winchester '73


    Has this air of dispair to it's entire runtime. A gun, the one in a thousand, is worth so much more than so many lives. It's special, lives are not. Blood won't just win the gun, but it will take the wild west. That almost hopeless feeling the movie has tied with a predictably great performance from Stewart does a lot of the heavy lifting for the film. Because outside of those things, it's a bit aimless. Almost told in…

  • Samurai II: Duel at Ichijoji Temple

    Samurai II: Duel at Ichijoji Temple


    My same likes and dislikes of the first film are amplified here. This does not have nearly enough stuff going on to be its own movie. It feels like Musashi is just stuck in a cycle in this, doing practically the same thing and being bamboozled almost the exact same way. But the final duel, incredible, the first duel with the spinning blade guy, fantastic. It's more frustrating than anything, because this series has a lot of great stuff, but…

  • Pastacolypse



    Year: 2023 Ranked

    Sometimes in the moments directly after I turn on a movie I get a sudden deep sinking feeling in my stomach; urging, screaming, crying for me to turn back. Those calls have never been heeded.

    Very very dull and extremely unfunny. Not even in a necessarily offensive way. Just in a way that makes you almost feel sorry for the writing team that they have never experienced something funny in their lives.

  • Time to Duel

    Time to Duel


    In Junior year of high school me and friend went out in the middle of the field during lunch with the whole school watching and pulled out to duel disks, proceeding to play a game of Yu-Gi-Oh to cheers and laughter. It was stupid, we knew it was silly, everyone was in on the joke, but it's one of those scenarios that is constantly living in my head. This movie reminded me a lot of that, and the guy who…

  • Samurai I: Musashi Miyamoto

    Samurai I: Musashi Miyamoto


    Vibrant, lush, beautifully acted by the man, the myth, the legend Toshiro Mifune; but also just unfortunately relatively dull. I think moment to moment the movie is fun but as a cohesive piece something is lost. It shifts focus at the oddest of places and introduces characters that don't really need to be introduced at the point. Has stand out moments, the opening scenes, him hanging in the tree, his farewell; but it just takes a lot to get to…

  • A League of Their Own

    A League of Their Own


    You know, I wasn't necessarily on board with the main framing of the movie they introduced the lead when she's much older and about to go to a reunion. Then they jump back in time to the 40s when the baseball league is starting and then at the end of the movie they cut back to them older at this reunion celebrating their achievements. I didn't think I was on board but I suddenly just like burst into tears in…

  • Fast X

    Fast X


    Still just sensational. It's so fucking good. Might be a ten in the future if I am being completely honest with myself. Forever on the Fast train apparently.

  • The Little Mermaid

    The Little Mermaid


    Nothing really magical here. Used to love this one, but it's shocking how stiff all of the characters are. Eric is maybe the most paper thin love interest in a Disney movie, but if I am being honest Ariel isn't much better. The story takes so long to actually get to the surface stuff, and then it feels like it's just instantly wrapping up. I know it has a short run time, but this seriously feels like it's all over…

  • Witchouse


    Studio: Full Moon/Empire Ranked

    I think we as a society need to study David Decoteau's mind. Really interested to hear what the turn around for one of his movies is. Like 3 days? Because that's definitely what it feels like.

    Another absymal entry to the Full Moon catalog. Either painfully full or actively obnoxious. The lead seems to suck out any semblance of ambience or fun out of every scene. Almost impressive. Janet is maybe the only engaging character in…

  • The Inheritance

    The Inheritance


    Also known as the other movie Kobayashi did the year of Harakiri. Coming off of so many great roles that seem like the last bastion of Humanity, I was very excited to see Nakadai in this. And this he plays pretty much the opposite of all those other roles. Scummy, conniving, principled only in the process of upward moment in the world of business and money. It's great how evil and grimey his character, and in fact all the characters…