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  • Paddington

    Paddington

    β˜…β˜…β˜…β˜…

    Paddington is sad?
    SADDINGTON.
    Paddington floods the house?
    BADDINGTON.
    Paddington loses his mind?
    MADDINGTON.
    Paddington starts a family?
    DADDINGTON.
    Paddington offers to buy the next round?
    ABSOLUTE LADDINGTON.
    Paddington but only a bit?
    JUST A TADDINGTON.
    Paddington replaces the current actor to play Olaf in a Frozen sequel?
    JOSH GADDINGTON.
    Paddington accidentally headbutts Emma Stone?
    SUPERBADDINGTON.
    Paddington does a flip on his pastel blue penny board in downtown Cali with the sound of the ocean breeze filling his ears as…

  • Before Midnight

    Before Midnight

    β˜…β˜…β˜…

    friend: can you pass the salad
    celine: oh you know what men always do when you talk about salad? they get horny. i'll tell you the difference between men and women, women are lettuce and men are celery. listen i watched this documentary on a serial killer who asked for a salad for his last meal. jesse would've ordered a burger king. i have an american husband. god did you read his book? it's so embarrassing listen if you read…