• Transformers: Rise of the Beasts

    Transformers: Rise of the Beasts


    If I had a nickel for everytime Luna Lauren Vélez plays the protagonist's mother in a blockbuster, released in the same month, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.

    Competently, safely, and passably fun! With its fair share of fanservice and nostalgia that'll please the fans, Rise of the Beasts is the most Transformers movie. Not in the Bay way, but in the fact that they actually have loads of screentime, along…

  • Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

    Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

    If I had a nickel, for every time Fox released an abysmal live-action adaptation of a beloved Japanese property in 2009 that bombed, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

    Less Street Fighter, more generic Hollywood bullshit, with Kreuk being horribly miscast as the titular role, Klein being an over-the-top embarrassment, and Bloodgood being flat as ever. Only Duncan, Shou, and McDonough put in any kind of effort.

    The fight scenes are…

  • Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.

    Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.


    Ryder Fortson, what a stupendous talent. Easily one of my favourite performances of the year?!

    Are You There God? It's Me, Alex, is a charming, funny, heartfelt, and educational movie in which like the book, will educate young girls. Margaret goes through loads of shit in her life, figuring out if things get better or worse, and as the film unfolds, it provides satisfying resolutions and arcs for not just the titular character, but also for her mother, brilliantly played by Rachel McAdams.

    PG-13 rating is bullshit, though.

  • Master Gardener

    Master Gardener


    In the newest instalment of another broken man writing his thoughts on a journal, Schrader's Master Gardener is a quiet, yet engaging drama. I could watch the gardening scenes for hours, as Schrader captures the flowers and plants beautifully.

    Edgerton and Weaver are great as always, but it's the lovely Quintessa Swindell that left a huge impression on me. They gave a nuanced and layered performance, and they worked well with Edgerton's character. Hynes' score is synthy goodness, adding to the slow nature of things. Better than The Card Counter, but First Reformed remains supreme.

  • Space Chimps

    Space Chimps

    Bottom of the barrel family entertainment. For 76 minutes without credits, Space Chimps was exhaustingly dreadful with lame humour that wasn't remotely funny, and the animation's unappealing to look at.

  • Bumblebee



    If I had a nickel for every time a Spider-Verse movie and a Transformers movie come out the same month, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

    Travis Knight pulled it off with his first live-action debut! Bumblebee is heartwarming and equally fun, with the Cybertron sequence being the standout scene. The TF designs are clean and clear, score's relaxing (still no Jablonsky) and the action's competently shot. It's also MUCH better than…

  • Girl Blunt

    Girl Blunt


    Narcisse's Girl Blunt is ten minutes of fun and queer vibes. The two leads share a solid dynamic and the inspired, pink-infused production design pops! Catchy soundtrack as well.

  • Home on the Range

    Home on the Range


    One can easily see why this added to the decline of Disney's traditional animation era.

    The soundtrack's admittedly catchy, animation's light and appealing, and the voice cast gave their all, but goddamn, was this uninteresting and cartoonish, and not in a good way!

  • Transformers: Dark of the Moon

    Transformers: Dark of the Moon


    If I had a nickel for everytime a Paramount movie nabs another Paramount movie's climax within a year apart, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice (hot take, this climax is better than the other one that rhymes with Defenders).

    Quite possibly now my favourite Bayformers?! While Transformers is the most competent instalment, there's..something about Dark of the Moon, that fueled my enjoyment throughout. Yeah, there are some silly plot contrivances, the…

  • Fool's Paradise

    Fool's Paradise


    Jon Brion's score and the bright cinematography, whoo, they are doing a lot of heavy lifting, because Charlie Day's directorial debut is unfortunately a whimper of a satirical comedy.

    The humour is practically unfunny and non-existant, minus a chuckle from Dean Norris and Common, and despite the cast's best efforts, they can't salvage shit. Satire lacks the biting buzz and edge needed to thrive and excel.

  • Transformers



    Some folks: OMG, Megan Fox's Mikela is SO hot, and her character is just the sexy love interest for Sam!

    Myself and some: 'notices that she has agency in regards to being a criminal with her father, knows how to fix cars, and manages to help Bumblebee in the climax'. Um, no, she's not just the hot chick, lol.

    2007, and the awesome visuals still hold up much better than most movies, and it doesn't hurt that Bay's direction alongside the gorgeous cinematography POPS throughout! Transformers is still a fun blockbuster with an epic Linkin Park ending.

  • BlackBerry



    The camera zooming in on a woman, after a boss tells the mostly male coworkers to work and to not play with their little penises, is already one of the best scenes of the year, LMAO

    Possibly the best 'product' biopic in a long while? Matt Johnson fires all cylinders crafting such a fascinatingly tense and funny movie, with brilliant work from Jay Baruchel and Glenn Howerton! With successful products, come backstabbing and broken relationships.

    Seeing the references from the…