Cinderella ★★★

There are millions of love songs in the history of musical discography. Literally millions. Whitney Houston, The Beatles, Michael Bublé, The Beach Boys. So many options. You could have picked ANY love song, Cinderella (2021). But NO, you HAD to pick Queen’s Somebody To Love. A song that has already been performed to the utmost PERFECTION by one Miss Anne Hathaway in the far superior live-action Cinderella adaptation, Ella Enchanted (2004). Why would you even DARE, even TRY to touch the absolute kino that is that song in that scene in that movie. Hugh Dancy did not catch Anne Hathaway mid twirl for this. Anne Hathaway did not put her entire pussy into that performance just for this to happen. It was already an insult that you have Minnie Driver in this movie, who played Mandy in Ella Enchanted (2004), but to pick Somebody To Love over every other love song in the world for the prince to sing in this movie is just rubbing salt in the wound. Fuck you, Cinderella (2021). I hope Billy Porter and Adele Dazeem make enough money off of this to dive into a pool of coins like Scrooge McDuck, because they carried this shit. Stream Shining Star and Material Girl, you motherfuckers.

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