kyle has written 13 reviews for films rated ★★★★ .

  • Ricochet

    Ricochet

    5 WORD REVIEW: JOHN LITHGOW WILL MURDER YOU!!!

    This is an awesome action flick that almost never gets mentioned. Hey, It's no die hard... but it's every bit of die hard 2. And movie in which there is a prison gladitorial pipe fight where both the combatants tape phone books to themselves as some sort of makeshift armor is great with me... also, did I mention that said fight is between Lithgow and Jesse "The Body" Ventura! that alone is worth the admission alone.

  • Killer Joe

    Killer Joe

    5 WORD REVIEW: WILLIAM FREIDKEIN GOES GREASY REDNECK

    A really wonderful and gross crime / redneck-sploitation flick with some crazy mad dog acting. Mad Dog goes all chainsaw 4 on some chick with a chicken leg. And Thomas Haden Church plays the best loveable and stupid greaseball redneck this side of your local meth head.

  • 1990: The Bronx Warriors

    1990: The Bronx Warriors

    5 WORD REVIEW: ITALIAN RIP OFF DONE GOOD

    Hey!!!!

    you like The Warriors don't ya?

    well here is a movie that is just a little cheaper, just a little less cohesive, but just as beatuifuly shot. well, here ya go. Plus we will throw in the worlds most kick ass mailman / hitman in cinema. AND if you order now you also get 5 minutes of Fred Williamson at no additional cost. Just pay shipping and processing fees.


    *rockin' ass hi hat not included!

  • I Don't Want to Be Born

    I Don't Want to Be Born

    5 WORD REVIEW MURDERBABY!!! MURDERBABY!!!... and a midget.

    Evidently a spurned dwarf is capable of slinging a curse at Joan Collins after she rejects his advances.... and by that i mean boobie grabbin'... To make her baby the spawn of the devil... this movie is great! Thanks netflix!

  • 30 Days of Night

    30 Days of Night

    ★★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: JOSH HARTNETT DIDN'T ALWAYS SUCK

    Alaskan vampires fucking shit up for 30 straight days. add that together with gratuitous amounts of tractor fu, and bear trap fu. that's a formula that equals me a happy guy.

  • Crank: High Voltage

    Crank: High Voltage

    ★★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: JASON STATHAM GOES FULL NINTENDO

    Why can't every movie that is released have a little bit of Crank 2 in it?

  • Dr. Phibes Rises Again

    Dr. Phibes Rises Again

    ★★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW GROOVY DR. PHIBES GOES EGYPTIAN

    This sequel picks up right where the original left off. A horror trope that I tend to love. After his wholesale slaughter of the original cast Dr. Phibes sets out on a groovy adventure to Egypt to find the river of life to resurrect his long dead bride. The inept british coppers follow him and continue to bicker between themselves as Phibes and his silent helper continue to pick them off one by one in ever increasingly ways.
    I love the ending of this movie.
    To paraphrase DR PHIBES "peace out, this movie is over, I win"

  • What We Do in the Shadows

    What We Do in the Shadows

    ★★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: AGING HIPSTER VAMPIRES ARE FUNNY

    *adjusts glasses, dons a cardigan sweater*

    this movie is fang....tastic!!!!

    I am now a small town newspaper critic .

  • The Hudsucker Proxy

    The Hudsucker Proxy

    ★★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: THE BUSINESSMAN'S EVIL DEAD 2

    I have always believed that this is the Cohen brothers lost classic. Such a smart and well written script. Tim Robbins plays a likable dipshit. And Sydney Mussberger..... Sure, Sure.

  • The 'Burbs

    The 'Burbs

    ★★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: SCHLUB & SCHLUB VS. WEIRDOS

    Back when Tom Hanks wasn't "serious movie dude" we would get fun ass movies like this. Rick Duccomon steals the show as the neighbor you always wanted. Also you get a heapin' helpin' of prime era Corey Feldman. What's not to love?

    "I wan't to kill everyone... we love Satan..... Satan is our pal."

  • Big Ass Spider!

    Big Ass Spider!

    ★★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: GREATEST 3 MINUTE OPENING EVER!

    Need i review a movie called Big Ass Spider. nope!

  • Grabbers

    Grabbers

    ★★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: IRISH DRUNKS VS. KILLER OCTOPI

    Equal parts tremors, Shaun of the Dead, Deep Rising, and Dog Soldiers.
    This flick is what most Scy-Fy channel original movies aspire to be.