kyle has written 10 reviews for films rated ★★★ .

  • Matango

    Matango

    5 WORD REVIEW: MUSHROOM MADNESS POWERED BY TOHO

    People get stranded on an island. then they eat mushrooms. they they become mushroom people. It's as simple as that. I feel that The Mario Bros. have lied to me about the effect of eating mushrooms my whole life.

  • Food of the Gods II

    Food of the Gods II

    5 WORD REVIEW: Giant rats bring the goods!

    This movie is somewhat of a slog to get through the first hour. there are a couple decent meltdowd/gore effects in there but this is very much a movie of 2 halves. The second half is a total giant rat massacre at a synchronized swimming event that is such a reward afther the first hour. I was squeeling with glee during the last 20 minutes. Plus as a bonus you get a 8 foot tall foul mouth toddler screaming at some folks and a flame thrower weilding exterminator. so there's that.

  • Furious 7

    Furious 7

    5 WORD REVIEW: INVINCIBLE PEOPLE DO CRAZY SHIT

    If you know this series it's all about topping the last installment in the crazy car stunt department. That being said at this point all the people in this are invincible and made of equal parts of teflon, sweat, testosterone, machismo, and nerf. At this point they throw everything including the kitchen sink into the mix. My suggestion in the next one (which there shouldn't be) might as well throw in dinosaurs, robots, aliens, and ghosts.

  • Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead

    Wyrmwood: Road of the Dead

    ★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: AUSTRALIA ALWAYS DOES IT BETTER

    An Australian "Mad Max meets The Road Warrior" zombie film. I wanted to like this WAY more than i actually did. Kinda bummed out, but, It sure beats the hell outta a lot of crap from the US.

  • The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death

    The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death

    ★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: JUMP SCARES MADE BY HAMMER

    I really, really like the first one. Matter of fact i think I called it my favorite film of that year. This particular sequel does so many things right. such as the atmosphere, the time setting ( London during the bombing raids of WWII) However it falls back on the old crutch of relying on jump scares. Farts to that tired old bullshit.

  • Hardware

    Hardware

    ★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: ROBOT WRECKS SHOP FEATURING LEMMY!

    I wanted to like this movie a lot more than I actually did. Sometimes you see a movie and you like it, but you can tell that the directors true vision has been hamstrung by just not having the budget to properly convey it properly to the screen. For example the original cut of Nightbreed, or Lord of Illusions... or sadly this. What we do get works... kinda. I love the post…

  • Cut and Run

    Cut and Run

    ★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: AQUA BERRYMAN HAS MAD HOPS.

    This is Ruggero Deodatos' more accessible and action orientated version of Cannibal Holocaust. I would have liked it more if it hadn't seemed like 3 or 4 different scripts mashed together into one film, but hey, what are you gonna do. At least we got "Bibleman" Willie Ames and an awesome performance from genre staple Michael Berryman playing a guy who can leap out of the water like a god damned champ.

  • Kids for Cash

    Kids for Cash

    5 WORD REVIEW: RICH PEOPLE ARE MORALLY BANKRUPT

    Why do I constantly scour the internet and netflix to watch documentaries about unrepentant sociopaths. Oh yeah, I like to remind myself to never be like that.

  • Tourist Trap

    Tourist Trap

    ★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: CHARLES BAND PRODUCTION SANS MIDGETS

    Always heard about this flick but never seen it... until last night. Irwin Yablans, Charles Band, Compass International, Donna's mom from that 70's show, legendary jaw enthusiast Chuck Connors... A lot of familiar names at play here. Basically this fine genre flick was made by some dude that said "hey, I have a little money, access to a truckload of manequins, and would like to only slightly exploit The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I'd like to think that this movie took place entirely in the mind of Joe Spinelles' character from Maniac.

  • 47 Ronin

    47 Ronin

    5 WORD REVIEW: MAGIC THE GATHERING: THE MOVIE

    I was watching this movie out of the corner of my eye while doing a podcast. I saw a bunch of cool looking stuff. I'll have to give it a legit watch.