kyle has written 10 reviews for films rated ★★★½ .

  • 2020 Texas Gladiators

    2020 Texas Gladiators

    5 WORD REVIEW; AL CLIVER DOES SOME STUFF

    Another glorious mish-mash Italian post apocalyptic movie. An alternative title and tag line might as well be

    Al Cliver as Randal "Tex Cobb" in Demons 8: Rape Church

  • Summer Rental

    Summer Rental

    5 WORD REVIEW: KEVIN JAMES CAN SUCK IT!

    I miss John Candy, and the days when a normal looking funny guy could helm a movie.

  • Fantastic Voyage

    Fantastic Voyage

    5 WORD REVIEW: ......FEATURING THE FANTASTIC TINY P.

    60's groovy government dudes shrink down other super groovy to destroy a brain tumor that is messing up a super groovy super spy.
    Boy, people smoked a lot...and everywhere in the 60's. And as always Donald Pleasence is great in it. Thus I dubbed him The Fantastic Tiny P... "woah man, look at that amoeba.... that thing is Huuuuuge!

  • Foxcatcher

    Foxcatcher

    5 WORD REVIEW: RICH PEOPLE... THEY'LL KILL YA!

    Was convinced to give this a watch by a podcast. It was creepy, unsettling, and uncomfortable. About as uncomfortable as Montgomery Burns walking in on you while you were taking a shit in a public bathroom. Then, he doesn't leave. He just stands there, staring, rubbing his hands back and forth.

  • Making Contact

    Making Contact

    5 WORD REVIEW: WHO JUST GAVE ME ACID?

    A mash-up of E.T., Star Wars toys, Poltergeist, The Goonies, and the most terrifying puppet in movie history. Here is a comprehensive list of what you will see in this film.

    Darth Vader. (or real, Darth is in this movie
    A huge puppet form out of the side of a mountain
    A fat kid getting attacked by a killer double cheeseburger
    overdubbing, overdubbing, overdubbing...
    Flying knives
    all of the star wars toys... yes, all of them.
    telekenesis
    haunted houses
    and a cameo by what I believe to be the sorcerer guy from Spookies

  • Demonwarp

    Demonwarp

    5 WORD REVIEW: FOUND ANOTHER SWEET SPOT MOVIE

    I love these type of ADHD, stream of consiousness flicks. It's like a 4th grader said... I want a movie with bigfoot fighting George Kennedy, and then there is a space comet that lands, and then a preacher finds it... then makes zombies and were-bigfeets, and then boobs.

  • Carnage

    Carnage

    5 WORD REVIEW: JOHN C. REILEY: MASTER THESPIAN!

    If you think that a movie that consists entirely of 2 uptight, rich, yuppie couples in one setting arguing about a fight their kids had in which one's teeth were knocked out sounds like nails on a chalkboard. Then you would be right. But, someone forgot to tell John C. Reiley to play this one serious. And therefore he redeems the entire thing.

  • Brick Mansions

    Brick Mansions

    ★★★½

    5 WORD REVIEW: PARKOUR MADNESS IN DA HOOD

    Rarely do the dumbest of plots translate into one awesome movie

  • Frankenstein's Army

    Frankenstein's Army

    ★★★½

    5 WORD REVIEW: MONSTER MASH OF EPIC PROPORTIONS

    Sometimes a movie comes along and shows me something I have never even knew that i wanted to see so badly. This is one of those times. Gore, Nazi monsters, and a great idea all come together, The only downside is that it didn't need to be a hand held type of movie and a severe lack of Peter Stormare.

  • The Midnight Hour

    The Midnight Hour

    5 WORD REVIEW: MADE FOR T.V. MONSTER MASH

    A made for T.V. monster mash that mashes up Return of the Living Dead, Spookies, and Night of the Demons. pretty good as far as made for T.V. movies go. It sure ain't no Mr. Boogedy!