kyle has written 64 reviews for films during 2015.

  • It Follows

    It Follows

    5 WORD REVIEW: 100% SHENINNAGANS LADEN STUDIO HYPE!

    It follows.... IT SUCKS!!!

  • Matango

    Matango

    5 WORD REVIEW: MUSHROOM MADNESS POWERED BY TOHO

    People get stranded on an island. then they eat mushrooms. they they become mushroom people. It's as simple as that. I feel that The Mario Bros. have lied to me about the effect of eating mushrooms my whole life.

  • Run All Night

    Run All Night

    ★★★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: LIAM NEESEN'S GLORIOUS BULLET SYMPHONY

    This was the line in the sand that I drew with Mr. Neesen's "old man throat punching" cookie cutter action output as of late. I HATED Taken 3 and this movie is a more than fitting apology for that mess. Easily on the level of John Wick or some of the best Charles Bronson one man army type of flicks. I was totally unprepared for the garbage truck loads of ass this movie kicked. I am sincerely sorry for doubting Liam Neesen in any way and this movie is easily top ten movies of the year material.

  • Ricochet

    Ricochet

    5 WORD REVIEW: JOHN LITHGOW WILL MURDER YOU!!!

    This is an awesome action flick that almost never gets mentioned. Hey, It's no die hard... but it's every bit of die hard 2. And movie in which there is a prison gladitorial pipe fight where both the combatants tape phone books to themselves as some sort of makeshift armor is great with me... also, did I mention that said fight is between Lithgow and Jesse "The Body" Ventura! that alone is worth the admission alone.

  • Virtuosity

    Virtuosity

    ★★★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: BEHOLD!!!!, THE RUSSELL CROW SHOW!!!!!

    This is probable the only time we ever got bat shit fun Russell Crow. and it's a damn shame he never reared his head ever again.

  • San Andreas

    San Andreas

    5 WORD REVIEW: MOST" AS ADVERTISED" MOVIE EVER

    the rock is the modern day schwartzennegger. That being said this is his red heat, or raw deal. No rock bottoms, No one liners, No peoples elbow, no eyebrow, no poontang pie.... Just the rock going from vehicle to vehicle trying to find his daughter who is trapped in the midst of a CGI destroyed San Fran. And Paul Giamatti gives a great preformance , but he is incapeable of giving a bad one.

  • Food of the Gods II

    Food of the Gods II

    5 WORD REVIEW: Giant rats bring the goods!

    This movie is somewhat of a slog to get through the first hour. there are a couple decent meltdowd/gore effects in there but this is very much a movie of 2 halves. The second half is a total giant rat massacre at a synchronized swimming event that is such a reward afther the first hour. I was squeeling with glee during the last 20 minutes. Plus as a bonus you get a 8 foot tall foul mouth toddler screaming at some folks and a flame thrower weilding exterminator. so there's that.

  • Killer Joe

    Killer Joe

    5 WORD REVIEW: WILLIAM FREIDKEIN GOES GREASY REDNECK

    A really wonderful and gross crime / redneck-sploitation flick with some crazy mad dog acting. Mad Dog goes all chainsaw 4 on some chick with a chicken leg. And Thomas Haden Church plays the best loveable and stupid greaseball redneck this side of your local meth head.

  • Wheels of Fire

    Wheels of Fire

    ★★★★★

    5 WORD REVIEW: TITTIES, TITTIES, WHEELS AND FIRE!!!

    This film is the most MAD MAX rip off of all the MAD MAX ripoffs. And that makes it all that more glorious.

  • 2020 Texas Gladiators

    2020 Texas Gladiators

    5 WORD REVIEW; AL CLIVER DOES SOME STUFF

    Another glorious mish-mash Italian post apocalyptic movie. An alternative title and tag line might as well be

    Al Cliver as Randal "Tex Cobb" in Demons 8: Rape Church

  • 1990: The Bronx Warriors

    1990: The Bronx Warriors

    5 WORD REVIEW: ITALIAN RIP OFF DONE GOOD

    Hey!!!!

    you like The Warriors don't ya?

    well here is a movie that is just a little cheaper, just a little less cohesive, but just as beatuifuly shot. well, here ya go. Plus we will throw in the worlds most kick ass mailman / hitman in cinema. AND if you order now you also get 5 minutes of Fred Williamson at no additional cost. Just pay shipping and processing fees.


    *rockin' ass hi hat not included!

  • 2020 Texas Gladiators

    2020 Texas Gladiators

    5 WORD REVIEW: NO FRED "THE HAMMER" WILLIAMSON?!?

    I like to call this movie DEMONS 7: RAPE CHURCH starring Al Cliver as Randal "Tex" Cobb