• Being the Ricardos

    Being the Ricardos

    It's no surprise Sorkin uses Desi's Cuban nationality to take a few lazy potshots at communism and lets no less than J. Edgar Hoover play triumphant hero in a story about red-baiting, but what the fuck does he have against Judy Holliday?!

  • Don't Look Up

    Don't Look Up


    Cringe as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore! Like being beaten over the head with a "Believe Science" yard sign for 138 minutes. So bad that it retroactively makes other movies better. How foolish I was to give the broad apocalyptic satire of Downsizing a dismissive two and a half stars? I had no idea just how dire things could get. Leo's big Network moment makes me want to go back and give Peter Finch another posthumous Oscar…

  • Licorice Pizza

    Licorice Pizza


    "They're all shits, aren't they?"

    While American popular culture continues to circle the drain, PTA is in the midst of the hottest hot streak in movie history. This boring dad from the Valley is out here reeling off masterpiece after masterpiece like he's fuckin' Renoir in the '30s.

  • C'mon C'mon

    C'mon C'mon


    "I believe the children are our future."

    -Whitney Houston & Mike Mills

    Gonna adhere to the Golden Rule on this one. Thanks for stopping by and have a great day!

  • The Power of the Dog

    The Power of the Dog


    Thomas Savage's novel is one of my favorite books and, as is often the case with adaptations of books that I love, I usually need a second viewing in order to separate my attachment to the source material from the film. I don't need a rewatch to see that the performances by the four main players are uniformly excellent. I remember being a little skeptical when it was announced that Benny Cumberbuns was going to be stepping into Phil Burbank's…

  • House of Gucci

    House of Gucci


    With one performance, Jared Leto, a shitty rock singer who moonlights as a one-man Daniel Day-Lewis cover band, has completely changed my perception of him. The chutzpah it takes to refer to his portrayal of Paolo Gucci-as-Nintendo's Mario as his "love letter to Italy" is just... *statue that stands in front of the local pizza place of a stereotypical Italian chef's kiss*

    And that's not all! You've also got Lady Gaga in full-on Mona Lisa Vito mode—those outfits! that ass!!—and…

  • King Richard

    King Richard


    Spent much of the runtime thinking about how our lives are not our own. So much of the important stuff is predetermined by where and when you're born, who your parents are, your genetics, etc. Would Serena and Venus have ever picked up a racket if their dad hadn't stumbled on a Virginia Ruzici match on television and saw dollar signs? The problem with King Richard is, an examination of the ethics of scripting your child's life lacks drama when…

  • Belfast



    Watching The Long Day Closes the night before did this one no favors, lol. I'm writing this three weeks after seeing it and I remember virtually nothing about the experience beyond thinking, "Wow, Caitriona Balfe is sooo beautiful. Maybe I should watch Outlander?" If this placebo of a personal film were somehow to win Best Picture, it'd instantly become the most unmemorable winner since... idk, A Beautiful Mind? Green Book sucks, but I'll never forget the sight of Viggo folding a whole ass pizza and eating it like a taco, and at least with Crash you got some controversy.

  • Antlers



    Better than I'd been led to believe. Having seen and shrugged off all of Scott Cooper's previous films, I'm not at all surprised that the wannabe auteur jumped on the elevated horror bandwagon and was expecting Antlers to succumb to the misbegotten new genre's most tedious tendencies, which it sort of does, but it's also surprisingly tasteless about the ugliness of addiction in a way that, as the child of an addict, I found myself responding to on a visceral level. Also, you get to see the monster and it looks pretty cool.

  • Red Notice

    Red Notice


    Hitmaking Hobbit Ed Sheeran makes another one of his cringe cameos—whoever told Ed that he can do movies did the man a great disservice—and Dwayne Johnson's onscreen reaction to it is revealing of what makes The Rock so much different—and so much worse—than other action stars of his stature. When Ed shows up, Johnson smiles and says, "I like that guy." Can you imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger or Jason Statham or Charles Bronson looking at Ed's pasty ginger ass with anything but contempt?

  • Eternals



    After a glorious year away, I had to get back on Twitter for a new job—follow me if you'd like—and already it's driving me crazy. Film Twitter dudes who think they're too cool for Fellini despite having only ever seen 8 1/2 once when they were a teenager spent the entire month of October creaming their jeans over the impressive size and scope of Villeneuve's handsomely mounted but boring as dirt Dune while dunking on Chloé Zhao—whose dad, they love…

  • Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City

    Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City


    10 year old me watching Resident Evil (2002): This is nothing like the games! Where's Jill Valentine?!

    29 year old me watching Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021): This is too much like the games. Where's Milla Jovovich flipping down a laser hallway?!