Kazmer has written 26 reviews for films rated ★★½ .

  • Jade



    Friedkin told Steve McQueen to go to hell with his whole chest

  • Minority Report

    Minority Report


    How is a taser that intentionally makes someone projectile vomit on you tactfully useful in any way

  • The Nude Vampire

    The Nude Vampire


    Forget these other weirdos talking about the artistry of this or whatever. Whoever was on the soundtrack is constantly popping off through the entire thing and it's amazing. It's like he's inventing a new form of jazz where it's almost like he's playing two different songs at once.

    Also every sound effect is LOUD AS FUCK for some reason. A room full of typewriters sounds like gunfire. A woman sliding her hand down a wood rail is like nails on a chalkboard. Truly insane shit.

    Too bad everything else about the movie is pretty boring

  • Dirty Harry

    Dirty Harry


    Cop porn for racists and psychos. Aged like warm milk. Eastwood has the on-screen presence of a mushed loaf of wheat bread with a gun duct taped to it. Keeps the story strung along by incompetence and writer's whims over development as excuses to deliver increasingly gross vignettes of brutality. None of it's fun, it's just sick.

    also yo fuck Clint Eastwood

  • Grey Knight

    Grey Knight


    Somehow this was even more racist than I was expecting. A lot more artsy than I was expecting too. The score is extremely creepy and there's some unsettling dreamy stuff that feels like it's straight from the first season of The Terror. Ray Wise gets to ham it up as usual. Insane David Arquette cameo. Shitty story narrations ruin some of the fun, but is made up for with horribly cartoonish foley.

    There's a sequence in this where a guy…

  • Rock & Rule

    Rock & Rule


    I definitely would have enjoyed this significantly more if the characters weren't all disgusting anthro animal mutants for no reason

    that Cheap Trick song has no reason to go that fucking hard either

  • The Resurrected

    The Resurrected


    drink every time someone says a quippy one-liner

  • Knife in the Water

    Knife in the Water


    a lot of Cinema going on here

  • Fear X

    Fear X


    This could have been a <30 minute short or had a bigger mystery to unravel and would have been a more interesting watch. Not really a whole lot going on here for most of the runtime. A decent flick for the Turturro completionists out there I guess.

  • Gozu



    I would probably give this a higher rating if I could physically tolerate looking at more of it

  • To Live and Die in L.A.

    To Live and Die in L.A.


    Love to talk out loud about my massive counterfeiting operation while lifting weights at the Planet Fitness. Love to shout about how the police are looking for me in the stairwell of the police station.

    Frequently feels like it's bordering a parody of loose cannon cop films, and it starts right from the opening scene when someone literally says "I'm getting too old for this shit." Doesn't help that there's almost nothing interesting or engaging about the protagonist, or really…

  • Night of the Devils

    Night of the Devils


    This movie is Italian to a fault