Kazmer has written 42 reviews for films rated .

  • Star Trek: Insurrection

    Star Trek: Insurrection

    I fucking hate this movie. Put some respect on my man Worf. He's demoted to comic relief and goes through puberty just for a gag? Fuck you Frakes.

  • Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

    Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

    As someone who most of their friends are in the fighting game community, the common sentiment I've always heard about this is "it sucks", "waste of time", and "it's not even fun bad", so I always avoided checking it out.

    They were definitely right that it sucks, but goddamn is it funny. This is sub-youtube fan film sometimes. It's actually pretty amazing how absolutely everyone in this is a bad actor (except Liu Kang). The special effects are almost Neil…

  • Unhinged

    Unhinged

    Blumhouse Presents: Falling Down

  • Godzilla vs. Kong

    Godzilla vs. Kong

    This has the exact same opening sequence as Shrek.

    I think I'm just done watching movies with budgets over $10 million. They all have the same blue/orange color grading. The same dialogue where everyone's gotta make the most obvious crack they could say in that moment. The same editing with a hundred different takes of every conceivable angle in a room.

    This movie has a billion locations and zero hints at how much time is actually passing. For nearly the…

  • Future Kick

    Future Kick

    I cannot believe there's a movie where the tracksuit guy from Reservoir Dogs fights Don "The Dragon" Wilson with a piece of rebar cause they're both cyborgs and nobody knows about it

  • Hologram Man

    Hologram Man

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Wait, so which one of them was THE Hologram Man?

  • Hellboy

    Hellboy

    I highly recommend watching this with a group of people that read Hellboy comics just to hear the cacophony of anger every 5 seconds

    It's weird how cheap this looks. The cinematography and CGI is surprisingly bad, like an HBO series on a budget. The costumes, the sets, everything just looks like shit, especially Hellboy himself. David Harbour and Milla Jovovich are practically competing to see who can be more miscast in their roles. To top it off the entire…

  • The Day of the Dolphin

    The Day of the Dolphin

    Why the fuck do you need a dolphin that can talk to strap a bomb to it

    The worst thing about this movie is the poster is a complete lie. It looks like a James Bond-style action thriller, but it's really just 80+ minutes of George C Scott talking to some annoying ass dolphins and trying to convince other people he can talk to dolphins. There is an extremely large amount of Nothing here. There is exactly one explosion in…

  • Monster Hunter

    Monster Hunter

    This shit sucks, man. There's no other way to say it. It's not even funny-bad. The first half feels like almost nothing is happening. Just sand and caves and more sand and some spiders and another cave and more spiders and more sand and then finally at the hour mark there's a new location and something more than montages and boring half-conversations that don't matter. By the time they get to an environment that isn't entirely grey or brown I…

  • Sonic the Hedgehog

    Sonic the Hedgehog

    Sonic may be fast

    but is he as reliable as the new 2021 Toyota Tacoma Pickup™️

  • Ghost Rider

    Ghost Rider

    There sure is a lot of fucking nothing happening in this movie for it being about a flaming skeleton on a motorcycle

  • Cathy's Curse

    Cathy's Curse

    This movie so desperately wants to be Italian and just cannot figure out how to get there