• V-World Matrix

    V-World Matrix

    ½

    Hands down the most awkward sex scene in cinema history

    Like an LA skate vid where they spent so much time filming skits they forgot to film any skating

  • Road to Revenge

    Road to Revenge

    ★★★★★

    I'm legitimately a little speechless trying to convey my thoughts on this. It's got everything. Every scene is insane in a different way. I couldn't even tell you what the plot is. There's like 20 minutes dedicated to Wings Hauser drunkenly rambling and starting a new religion based on Huckleberry Finn. There's satanists and bad karate and a dog that eats ice cream. There's multiple sex scenes that made me want to never be horny again. John De Hart wrote…

  • Super Mario Bros: This Ain't No Video Game

    Super Mario Bros: This Ain't No Video Game

    Lot of insane comments and analogies that go nowhere. Last 3 minutes is an absolute roller coaster.

    Lot of pretty frustrating filmmaking mistakes too. John Leguizamo's entire interview is out of focus. Feels rushed for the bluray release deadline or something. Still worth it for the bizarre viewpoints from the few crew featured. The concept art shown is wild. Would have loved to see Hoskins ranting about this shitshow.

  • Saint Maud

    Saint Maud

    ★★

    Literally started laughing out loud at the ending

    I've seen this movie a hundred fucking times already

    It's officially hands on sight for A24. They can't keep getting away with this.

  • The Nude Vampire

    The Nude Vampire

    ★★½

    Forget these other weirdos talking about the artistry of this or whatever. Whoever was on the soundtrack is constantly popping off through the entire thing and it's amazing. It's like he's inventing a new form of jazz where it's almost like he's playing two different songs at once.

    Also every sound effect is LOUD AS FUCK for some reason. A room full of typewriters sounds like gunfire. A woman sliding her hand down a wood rail is like nails on a chalkboard. Truly insane shit.

    Too bad everything else about the movie is pretty boring

  • Real Life

    Real Life

    ★★★★★

    this is the Altered States of comedy films

  • Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World

    Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World

    ★½

    I think I get what Brooks was going for with this, but without the ripping satire and manic energy his early films had a seemingly infinite supply of, this is mostly a pretty dull watch. There's only traces of them here at best, like an old dog that can still sit and roll over, but pretty much only when he feels like it. It's either way too restrained in what it's willing to joke at, or maybe just didn't have…

  • Defending Your Life

    Defending Your Life

    ★★

    Albert Brooks' 112 minute cover of "Losing My Edge"

  • Things Change

    Things Change

    ★★

    Straight up said to myself "I'm in the mood to watch something that might suck" and this did not disappoint. Absolutely zero flavor. So mid-tier it's like it was intentionally designed so you could fall asleep through half of it.

  • Repo Jake

    Repo Jake

    ½

    Repo Jake drove so Drive could drive

    Hey this sucks by the way. There's way too much fucking repo'ing and about 15 minutes of actual plot and none of it is interesting. The soundtrack is a collection of nightmare Rugrats demos. He never even holds that shotgun from the cover.

    Fuck you Repo Jake.

  • Puzzle of a Downfall Child

    Puzzle of a Downfall Child

    ★½

    Knew I was gonna hate this in the first 10 minutes and sat through it anyway. Edited to have a presentation like a parody of itself. It's like watching bad local theater. It's like a really shitty Woody Allen movie and I don't even like the good Woody Allen movies. It's like the raw unrotoscoped footage from an abandoned Ralph Bakshi project.

  • Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

    Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

    As someone who most of their friends are in the fighting game community, the common sentiment I've always heard about this is "it sucks", "waste of time", and "it's not even fun bad", so I always avoided checking it out.

    They were definitely right that it sucks, but goddamn is it funny. This is sub-youtube fan film sometimes. It's actually pretty amazing how absolutely everyone in this is a bad actor (except Liu Kang). The special effects are almost Neil…