Kazmer has written 158 reviews for films during 2021.

  • The Lair of the White Worm

    The Lair of the White Worm

    ★★★

    Felt like Ken Russell was supposed to make a self-aware cheesy comedy film but couldn't help sticking in a bunch of his staple text-heavy plot details and psychotic low-grade dream sequences. Man really loves him some VHS Jesus imagery. If it leaned harder in either direction, this would be a more coherent and enjoyable experience, but instead feels like it's never really sure what it's going for.

  • Parents

    Parents

    ★★★★½

    From an alternate dimension where Dario Argento was born in America. There's more than a few visual sequences hiding in here that are absolutely wild. Cinematography team was definitely stunting. This might legitimately be the most arthouse project Randy Quaid was ever involved in.

  • The Chronicles of Riddick

    The Chronicles of Riddick

    ★★★★

    I love that Vin made sure to keep up the canon that he got his special eyeballs in a trade for 20 menthol Kools

  • Pitch Black

    Pitch Black

    ★★★★

    Do you like dutch angles? Do you like skewed aspect ratios? Do you like color grading that changes literally every shot? Do you like breakneck-speed editing combined with slowmo shots filmed in the wrong framerate?

    Boy do I have the movie for you its called Pitch Black and its from the year 2000

  • Escape from the Bronx

    Escape from the Bronx

    ★★★½

    Somebody showed my man Enzo how to do a slow motion flip stunt near the end of filming The Bronx Warriors and this mf said "This is the movie now."

  • Wishmaster

    Wishmaster

    ★★★★★

    Yeah fuck it, this movie kicks ass. It's a constant stream of stupid shit with a villain that only exists to chew scenery and cause chaos with hacky ironic setups. A dude's skeleton escapes from his own body and starts eating another guy in the first 3 minutes of the film. The dedication to doing as much as possible with practical effects has endless payoffs. This is everything I love about schlock B movies, except they actually had a competent crew and a budget and its fucking wild.

  • Wishmaster

    Wishmaster

    ★★★★

    There's maybe never been a movie that sucked so much but ruled so hard. Not even sure what this films true rating actually is.

  • The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    The Amazing Spider-Man 2

    ½

    I think I hated literally every second of this movie. Every single individual element is aggressively stupid. Sometimes it can't decide whether it wants to be a superhero blockbuster or a mumblecore romantic comedy. I spent half the movie yelling "WHERE'S SPIDERMAN".

    Electro is a weird psychotic incel now. Every actor in this is awful and never shuts the fuck up except for Chris Cooper (who is completely wasted). I barely knew what anyone was doing and never cared cause…

  • Predator 2

    Predator 2

    ★★★

    There's a strange scene here where Bill Paxton is uncomfortably trying to hit on María Conchita Alonso, and Glover is watching them going "oh shit she's about to tear his ass up", and she brings up Paxton had a partner that got shot, and as a viewer you're like "oh this about to be good".

    and then she just twists his dick in her hands and you're like oh ok

    That one moment sums up my feelings on the whole…

  • 1990: The Bronx Warriors

    1990: The Bronx Warriors

    ★★★½

    The gang in roller skates with hockey sticks took the themed-gang concept way too far, and that's saying something when the nazi motorcycle murderers are sticking plastic Halloween skulls from Dollar Tree on their bikes

  • 36 Husbands

    36 Husbands

    ½

    WHY THE FUCK IS THIS CALLED 36 HUSBANDS

    THERE IS LITERALLY ONE HUSBAND IN THE WHOLE THING

    I don't know what the fuck this is but it's certainly not a movie. I have absolutely zero clue to what the plot is. It's just a collection of shit happening for 80 minutes and then it stops. It's like they forgot to shoot half the script. I left this with infinitely more questions than I had when I started. This one's a true enigma.

  • Road to Revenge

    Road to Revenge

    ★★★★★

    Watching this with people who have no experience with bad movies of this caliber is a trip in itself. By the time you get to the 3rd sex scene, the room is begging for death.