Kazmer has written 151 reviews for films during 2021.

  • Star Crystal

    Star Crystal

    ½

    The first movie ever made by cough syrup.

    Fucking hysterical from start to finish. The clear struggles to hide how cheap EVERY SET IS never stopped being funny, like the actors got shrunk down into a little Warhammer table decoration made out of egg cartons. They do extreme close up shots of the floor where you can obviously see they spray painted fake vents onto some cardboard. It's incredible. Everyone is so dead faced and non-reactive to every moment while…

  • Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

    Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

    ★★★★★

    How the hell did this Ted Buckland lookin mf get elected president

  • Fresh

    Fresh

    ★★★★

    At about 1h 36m into the movie, while driving in the car, a reflection of the car's speedometer slowly moves across the windshield, as if it were a street light they were passing under.

    I've seen thousands of movies. I've worked on the sets of films that shot scenes inside moving cars. I have no possible guess for how or why this happens.

    If anyone has the answer, I am begging you for it. It is truly wrecking my mind trying to figure out what I'm looking at here.

  • The Oscar

    The Oscar

    ★½

    Frankie is one of the most bull-headed, one-note, unlikable protagonists in cinema history, and throughout this entire film he nearly gets everything he wants with little to no consequence. It would be one thing if it was actually entertaining to watch, but he's just a genuine asshole. He does whatever he wants to whoever he wants and he's still a success that gets to enjoy it all while his friends and lovers around him have their lives fall apart, whether…

  • The Resurrected

    The Resurrected

    ★★½

    drink every time someone says a quippy one-liner

  • Trancers

    Trancers

    ★½

    Assassin's Creed meets Scanners with a Clockstoppers cameo

    This movie has the best excuses for bad writing and cheap production. Too expensive to build lots of futuristic sets? Just have the bad guy's mind be trapped in 1980's Los Angeles! Why doesn't the bad guy just psychically kill the heroes? Because it only works on whoever the script needs it to! Wrote yourself into a corner but don't want to give up the cool scene? Just give them a watch…

  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

    The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2

    ★★★★½

    The Gremlins 2 of Texas Chainsaw films. Confidently psychotic from start to finish. Dennis Hopper hams it the fuck up as a deranged cowboy. There's never not something insane happening. Complete trip.

  • Amélie

    Amélie

    ★★★★

    goddamn this shit is French as HELL

  • The Border

    The Border

    ★★★

    water beds are not that loud there is not an ocean rampaging inside it

  • Performance

    Performance

    ★½

    I'm normally an advocate for experimental filmmaking, but the sound design and editing in this is so chaotic at times it became more distracting than anything else. The rest left me fading in and out of interest. Wasn't really a whole lot holding my attention here, totally checked out by the last 20 minutes.

  • The Guardian

    The Guardian

    ★★★★

    Friedkin should have stayed exclusively a horror and drama/thriller director. He has a unique eye for holding suspense and creating a shocking moment (wasn't expecting this to be so explosively gory), but his weakest quality is definitely in the weird vibes his lighter scenes give off. Something about them feels artificial, like plastic. The Guardian showcases both ends of this spectrum in jarringly contrasting scene changes. It's rough but I think the good outweighs the bad.

    Also a dude gets eaten by a fucking tree with a giant mouth.

  • Tetsuo: The Iron Man

    Tetsuo: The Iron Man

    ★★★★★

    67 minutes of pure fucking technohorror adrenaline. a sensory overload nightmare with a banger soundtrack.

    Some people watch a movie with minimal plot and say "yeah you just enjoy the vibes" and its usually some kind of dull lighthearted drama/comedy about people walking around the park for 90 minutes or something like that. Tetsuo is the kind of vibes I like to soak in. Screaming misery.